Borrow Confidence You Do Not Feel Yet
Forty ways to act confident before you feel it, and let the feeling catch up.
Confidence follows action. Act the part, and the feeling arrives.
33 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Psychology of Selling (Brian Tracy), Secrets of Closing the Sale (Zig Ziglar), To Sell Is Human (Daniel Pink), and everyday practice. The first six help the most. Pick one and try it today.
Act first, feel later
Many people wait to feel confident before they act. But confidence usually comes after the action, not before. You act as if you were confident, and the feeling follows. Think of it as borrowing confidence from your future self. You'll pay it back with interest.
Step one. Choose one action you'd take if you were confident. Step two. Do it today, even if it feels strange.
Choose a role model
A role model is someone whose confidence you admire. You can study how they stand, speak and listen. Then you borrow one habit at a time. You don't copy them completely. You take the parts that suit you. It's the quickest way to learn.
Step one. Choose one role model. Step two. Watch or listen to them for ten minutes.
Stand like you mean it
The way you stand tells the world, and yourself, how you feel. Slumped shoulders say, I'm not sure. A tall, relaxed stance says, I'm here, and I'm ready. You can change your posture in two seconds. It's the quickest way to borrow confidence.
Step one. Before your next call, stand with your feet apart. Step two. Roll your shoulders back and down.
Dress for the day
What you wear changes how you feel. When you dress well for the day, you feel ready. It doesn't need to be fancy. It needs to be clean, comfortable and right for the people you'll meet. Your clothes are a message to yourself.
Step one. Choose your clothes the night before. Step two. Make sure they're clean and comfortable.
Walk with purpose
Walk as if you know where you're going. Not too fast, and not too slow. Head up, arms relaxed, steps steady. People notice how you walk, and so does your mind. A purposeful walk is a small public rehearsal of confidence. This tip is about walking with intention.
Step one. Pause at the door. Step two. Look up and breathe.
Slow your speech
Nervous people speak fast. They hurry to finish before anyone can say no. But fast speech sounds worried. Slower speech sounds calm and sure. You can borrow confidence by slowing your words. It also gives people time to understand. This tip is about speaking just a little slower.
Step one. Record your opening. Step two. Listen for speed.
Use a firm handshake
A handshake is a short moment with a long memory. A firm, warm handshake says, I'm glad to meet you. A limp one can say, I'm unsure. You can practise a good handshake in a minute. It's the first touch of your first impression.
Step one. Practise a handshake with a friend. Step two. Ask if it feels too light or too strong.
Keep your eyes steady
Steady eye contact shows that you're present and honest. Looking away often, or staring at your notes, can look unsure. A calm, friendly gaze is a strong way to borrow confidence. You don't have to stare. Just stay with the person.
Step one. Look at the person while they speak. Step two. Hold your gaze for three seconds, then look away gently.
Smile calmly
A calm smile is different from a big grin. It's soft and relaxed. It says, I'm friendly, and I'm not worried. A calm smile can change the mood of a whole conversation. It's easy to borrow, even when you don't feel it.
Step one. In a mirror, relax your face into a soft smile. Step two. Hold it for ten seconds.
Say hello first
The person who says hello first sets the tone. It shows courage, kindness and confidence. You don't need to wait to be spoken to. A friendly hello is a small gift. Saying hello first also takes the pressure off the other person.
Step one. Say hello first to three people today. Step two. Smile and use their name if you know it.
Ask a question
A question is a quiet way to take the lead. It shows interest, and it steers the talk. When you ask, you don't need to have all the answers. You only need to be curious. Questions are a safe place for a nervous speaker.
Step one. Write three open questions. Step two. Ask one in the first minute.
Take your space
Taking your space means you stand, sit and speak as if you belong in the room. You don't shrink or hide. You keep your shoulders open, your feet planted and your voice clear. You're allowed to be there.
Step one. Sit back in your chair, and place both feet on the floor. Step two. Rest your arms comfortably.
Pause before answering
When someone asks you a question, you don't have to answer at once. A short pause shows thought and confidence. It also gives you a moment to choose better words. People who pause sound calm, and people who rush sound worried.
Step one. In your next conversation, wait two seconds before answering. Step two. Breathe out slowly.
Say "I do not know yet"
Saying, I don't know yet, is a sign of strength. It shows that you're honest, and that you plan to find out. The word yet turns a gap into a plan. Customers trust people who admit what they don't know.
Step one. Write the sentence, I don't know yet, but I'll find out. Step two. Say it three times.
Use short sentences
Short sentences sound clear and sure. Long, winding ones sound uncertain. When you shorten your sentences, your voice slows, your breath steadies and your message gets stronger. Simple is strong. This tip is about speaking in short, clear sentences.
Step one. Write your opening. Step two. Split every sentence over fifteen words.
Remove "just" and "sorry"
Words like just and sorry make you sound small. Just a quick question. Sorry to bother you. These little words weaken your message. Remove them, and your voice becomes clearer and stronger. You can still be polite. You don't need to apologise.
Step one. Write down three phrases with just or sorry. Step two. Rewrite each without them.
Say your price calmly
When you say your price, say it calmly. Don't rush. Don't apologise. Don't add a long explanation. State the number, take a breath and wait. A calm voice makes the price sound fair. This tip is about stating your price with quiet confidence.
Step one. Write your price in a simple sentence. Step two. Say it slowly, three times.
Prepare a strong opening
A strong opening makes the rest of the talk easier. If you start well, your nerves calm down. Prepare your first sentence and your first question. Practise them until they feel natural. A strong start is like a good first step on a path.
Step one. Write your opening in three sentences. Step two. Say it aloud ten times.
Rehearse tough moments
There are tough moments in selling. A hard question. A rude reply. A long silence. If you rehearse those moments in advance, they become less scary. You've already been there once. Practise the hard parts, and the easy parts take care of themselves.
Step one. List three tough moments. Step two. Write a calm reply for each.
Dress your voice
Your voice can wear clothes, too. A warm, steady voice makes you sound confident. You can dress your voice by controlling pace, volume and tone. Slow down, lower your pitch slightly and smile as you speak. It's like choosing the right outfit for your words.
Step one. Hum gently for twenty seconds. Step two. Say your opening slowly and lower.
Act as if
Acting as if means behaving like the confident person you want to be, even before you feel like that person. It isn't lying. It's rehearsal. Each time you act confident, you make it a bit more real. You're building the habit of confidence.
Step one. Imagine how a confident person speaks and moves. Step two. Copy one thing.
Make decisions faster
Slow decisions can drain your confidence. If you think too long about small choices, you feel stuck. Practise making small decisions quickly. What to wear, what to eat, what to say first. It builds a muscle of decision. Quick, small decisions give you strength for the big ones.
Step one. List three small decisions you make daily. Step two. Set a ten-second limit.
Speak up early in meetings
The first voice in a meeting often shapes the room. If you speak early, even briefly, you join the conversation and stop feeling like an outsider. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. A short comment in the first ten minutes can change your whole experience.
Step one. Before a meeting, prepare one sentence or question. Step two. Say it within the first ten minutes.
Share an opinion
Sharing an opinion is a brave act. It shows that you think for yourself. You don't need to be loud or certain. You need to be honest and kind. A simple, I think, is enough. Your view matters, and others will learn from it.
Step one. Before a discussion, decide one view you hold. Step two. Say it using the words, I think.
Accept compliments
When someone gives you a compliment, say thank you. Don't shrug it off or argue. If you say, oh, it was nothing, you reject their gift. A simple, thank you, shows confidence and respect. Accepting praise is a skill, and it can be learned.
Step one. When someone praises you, pause. Step two. Say, thank you.
Keep your promises
Every promise you keep builds your confidence, and every promise you break lowers it. If you say, I'll call at three, call at three. If you promise a report, send it. Reliability is a quiet form of confidence. Others trust you, and you trust yourself.
Step one. List promises you've made this week. Step two. Add them to your calendar with times.
Practise in low-risk places
Practise your new skills in places where the risk is low. A coffee shop, a market, a chat with a neighbour. If you stumble, nothing is lost. You can try a smile, a question or a firm handshake and see what happens.
Step one. Choose a low-risk place. Step two. Practise one skill, like a smile or a question.
Record yourself
A recording is a mirror for your voice and your words. Watching or listening to yourself shows what others see and hear. At first it feels uncomfortable. But it teaches you faster than almost anything else. You'll see what to keep and what to change.
Step one. Record one minute of your opening. Step two. Listen once, kindly.
Collect compliments
Compliments are small gifts. If you collect them, you build a record of what others value in you. Keep them in a notebook or a folder. On a doubting day, read them. They remind you that others see strengths you may forget.
Step one. Create a note or folder called Kind Words. Step two. Add three compliments you remember.
List what you have done
When you doubt yourself, look at the facts. What have you actually done? List the jobs you've finished, the people you've helped, the skills you've learned. A long list quiets a short doubt. Evidence is stronger than feelings. This tip is about writing down what you have done.
Step one. Take a page and write ten things you've done. Step two. Include small things.
Do hard things first
Do the hardest thing first. The longer you wait, the bigger it grows in your mind. When you do it early, you feel relief and strength for the rest of the day. It's a simple way to build confidence.
Step one. Choose tomorrow's hardest task. Step two. Put it first on your list.
Reward bravery
When you do something brave, reward yourself. A cup of tea, a short walk, a kind word. Rewards teach your mind that bravery feels good, and it will want to do it again. Celebrate courage, not only results. This tip is about rewarding your own bravery.
Step one. Choose a small reward. Step two. Give it to yourself right after a brave act.
Keep going
Keep going. Borrowing confidence isn't a one-time act. It's a daily habit. Some days it will feel easy, and some days it will feel hard. The important thing is to keep acting. Your confidence will grow, one day at a time. This last tip is about persistence.
Step one. Choose one habit from this lesson. Step two. Do it every day this week.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many sales conversations.
“Hello, I am glad we could talk.”
“Let me explain this clearly.”
“What would help you most?”
“Let me think about that.”
“I do not know yet, but I will find out.”
“Thank you for your time.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Stand tall for one minute
Wear something that feels strong
Speak with a clear voice
Make eye contact three times
Say a confident sentence
Notice what changed
Share your day with a friend
Further reading
- The Psychology of Selling (Brian Tracy)
- Secrets of Closing the Sale (Zig Ziglar)
- To Sell Is Human (Daniel Pink)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “The Confident Seller”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Your First 90 Seconds of CourageNext: Celebrate the Small Win Every Day →
- You Are Already a Salesperson
- Throw Away the Pushy Salesman Picture
- Believe in What You Sell
- Silence Your Inner Critic
- Your First 90 Seconds of Courage
- Borrow Confidence You Do Not Feel Yet
- Celebrate the Small Win Every Day
- Why "No" Is Not About You
- The Rejection Reset in 60 Seconds
- Turn Every No Into a Lesson
- Ask for Feedback Without Fear
- The Numbers Game Made Simple
- Bounce Back After a Bad Call
- Why Great Sellers Hear Thousands of Noes
- Breathe Away Pre-Call Panic
- Your Pre-Meeting Ritual
- Stand Like Someone Worth Hearing
- The Power Pose Myth and What Really Helps
- Sound Calm When You Feel Shaky
- What to Do When Your Mind Goes Blank
- Speak Slower, Sell Better
- Sell to Serve, Not to Impress
- The Giver's Edge
- See Your Customer as a Real Person
- Your Job Is to Solve, Not to Push
- Be Proud of the Value You Bring
- Lead With Honesty Every Time
- The Quiet Power of Integrity
- Start Your Day Like a Pro
- Set Goals You Can Actually Hit
- The Two-Minute Daily Review
- Read, Listen, Learn: 15 Minutes a Day
- Find a Mentor Who Pushes You
- Say Your Wins Out Loud
- Survive Your First Sales Slump
- Protect Your Energy Like Money
- When Sales Are Slow, Do This
- Stay Hopeful in a Long Sales Cycle
- Turn Pressure Into Focus
- Become the Seller You Admire
