Networking & Career / Finding Mentors and Allies / Lesson 09

LESSON 09 · FINDING MENTORS AND ALLIES

Keep the Relationship Warm

Eighteen easy tips to keep the relationship warm, so your mentor link lasts for years.

Stay in touch. Be easy to help.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from Radical Candor (Kim Scott), Give and Take (Adam Grant), Designing Your Life (Bill Burnett and Dave Evans), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why keep it warm

A mentor link grows with care. Regular, gentle contact keeps it strong.

TRY THIS
Care for it.

TIP 2

Set a gentle rhythm

A message every two or three months works well. Calendar reminders help.

TRY THIS
Set one.

TIP 3

Send short updates

Share news about your progress. Two or three lines are enough.

TRY THIS
Send one.

TIP 4

Ask for advice at key moments

Use their wisdom for big choices, but do not ask for everything. Respect their time.

TRY THIS
Ask wisely.

TIP 5

Share your wins

Tell them when something goes well. They will be proud.

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Share a win.

TIP 6

Ask how they are

Show care for them as a person. Ask about their news.

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Ask kindly.

TIP 7

Meet once a year

A yearly coffee or call keeps the bond. Put it in your calendar.

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Plan one.

TIP 8

Say thank you again

Thank them on anniversaries or milestones. Gratitude never gets old.

TRY THIS
Say thanks.

TIP 9

Script: update

Here is a short update on how things are going. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 10

Script: asking

I would love your view on a choice I am making. Say it politely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 11

Script: caring

How have you been? I was thinking of you. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 12

Mistake: contacting only when in trouble

It feels one-sided, so keep in touch.

TRY THIS
Stay in touch.

TIP 13

Mistake: too many messages

Too many wear them out, so pace yourself.

TRY THIS
Pace yourself.

TIP 14

Mistake: ignoring their advice

It hurts the bond, so act on it.

TRY THIS
Act on it.

TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when they stop replying

Give space and send a gentle note later. People get busy.

TRY THIS
Be patient.

TIP 16

Troubleshoot: when you feel you have outgrown them

Thank them and stay friendly. Growth is normal.

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Be grateful.

TIP 17

Drill: set a mentor reminder

Add a reminder to message your mentor every three months.

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Set it.

TIP 18

Drill: send a two-line update

Send a short update to someone who helped you.

TRY THIS
Send it.

TIP 19

Invite them to your milestones

A graduation or launch lets them share your joy.

TRY THIS
Invite them.

TIP 20

Offer them a seat at your table

Invite them to talks or events you attend.

TRY THIS
Share events.

TIP 21

Example: the yearly lunch

Tara and her mentor meet each January for lunch. It has lasted ten years.

TRY THIS
Plan a yearly meet.

TIP 22

Example: the quick update

Joe sends a two-line update every season. It keeps the bond alive.

TRY THIS
Send seasonal notes.

TIP 23

Drill: set a quarterly mentor check

Add a reminder and write a note.

TRY THIS
Set it.

TIP 24

Check in on important dates in their life

Remembering a work anniversary or a book launch makes a mentor feel valued as a person, not only as a guide.

TRY THIS
Add dates.

TIP 25

Share a short good-news update every season

A short seasonal note that says what changed because of their help keeps the relationship fresh and warm.

TRY THIS
Set seasonal reminders.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

UPDATE

“Here is a short update.”

THANKS

“Thank you for your help.”

ASK

“May I ask your view?”

SHARE

“I learned something new.”

CARE

“How are you?”

CLOSE

“Talk soon.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Set a rhythm

DAY 2
Send updates

DAY 3
Ask for advice sometimes

DAY 4
Share wins

DAY 5
Check in on them

DAY 6
Meet yearly

DAY 7
Say thanks

Further reading

• Radical Candor (Kim Scott)
• Give and Take (Adam Grant)
• Designing Your Life (Bill Burnett and Dave Evans)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.