Networking & Career / Finding Mentors and Allies / Lesson 02

LESSON 02 · FINDING MENTORS AND ALLIES

Decide What Help You Want

Eighteen easy tips to decide what help you want, so your ask is clear and easy to say yes to.

Clear needs, clear help. Know your question.

25 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

25 tips that really help

These ideas come from Radical Candor (Kim Scott), Give and Take (Adam Grant), Designing Your Life (Bill Burnett and Dave Evans), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why decide first

A clear need helps you find the right mentor and ask well. Vague requests are hard to answer.

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Be clear.

TIP 2

Write a goal for the year

Pick one goal, such as moving into a new role. A goal gives your search direction.

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Write one.

TIP 3

Find your biggest gap

What skill or knowledge do you need most? Name it.

TRY THIS
Name it.

TIP 4

Pick one topic at a time

Ask for help in one area. Focus makes it easy.

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Choose one.

TIP 5

Write the exact question

For example, how do I prepare for a first management job? Specific questions get useful answers.

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Write it.

TIP 6

Decide the time you need

Thirty minutes or a few chats. A clear time helps.

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Choose a time.

TIP 7

Decide the way you prefer

Coffee, call or messages. Choose what feels easy.

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Pick a way.

TIP 8

Match the need with a person

Choose someone who has done what you want. Experience matters.

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Match them.

TIP 9

Script: need

I need advice on moving into a team lead role. Say it clearly.

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Use it.

TIP 10

Script: gap

I would love to learn how to give feedback kindly. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 11

Script: ask

Could you spare thirty minutes to share your experience? Say it politely.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 12

Mistake: asking for everything

Too big feels heavy, so pick one.

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Pick one.

TIP 13

Mistake: being vague

Vague asks get vague help, so be clear.

TRY THIS
Be clear.

TIP 14

Mistake: choosing a mentor only for status

Choose someone who fits your needs, so look at fit.

TRY THIS
Look at fit.

TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when you do not know your goal

Start with what you enjoy and what you want to learn. Goals can change.

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Start small.

TIP 16

Troubleshoot: when you have many goals

Rank them and pick the top one this quarter. Focus helps.

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Rank them.

TIP 17

Drill: write one clear question

Write one specific question for a mentor.

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Write it.

TIP 18

Drill: write your goal in one line

Write your year goal in one clear line.

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Write it.

TIP 19

Write your five-year picture in a few lines

A vague picture is enough to guide who you ask.

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Write a short picture.

TIP 20

List three skills that would help most

Skills give mentors something clear to help with.

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List three.

TIP 21

Choose between advice, feedback and introductions

Knowing the kind of help makes your ask clear.

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Pick a type.

TIP 22

Example: the clear need

I want to learn how to lead a small team in my first year as a manager.

TRY THIS
Write yours.

TIP 23

Example: the skills need

I want to improve my public speaking so I can pitch ideas without fear.

TRY THIS
Write yours.

TIP 24

Mistake: asking for a mentor with no topic

People cannot say yes to nothing. Name one topic.

TRY THIS
Name a topic.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when your needs change

Update your list every quarter and thank old mentors.

TRY THIS
Review quarterly.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

NEED

“I need help with this.”

GOAL

“I want to reach this goal.”

GAP

“I am missing this skill.”

ASK

“Could you advise me on this?”

TIME

“Just thirty minutes.”

CLOSE

“Thank you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Write your goal

DAY 2
Write your gap

DAY 3
Pick one topic

DAY 4
Write one question

DAY 5
Check who fits

DAY 6
Write the ask

DAY 7
Send it

Further reading

• Radical Candor (Kim Scott)
• Give and Take (Adam Grant)
• Designing Your Life (Bill Burnett and Dave Evans)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.