Confidence / Building Self-Confidence / Lesson 24

LESSON 24 · BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE

Do the Scary Thing Badly

Twelve reasons to do the scary thing badly, and enjoy getting started.

You do not have to do it well the first time. You only have to do it.

35 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

35 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman), The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown), Mindset (Carol Dweck), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Bad first tries are normal

Every expert wrote a bad first draft or sang a wobbly first note. The first try is not a test of your future.

TRY THIS
Remind yourself that beginners are allowed to be bad.

TIP 2

Lower the stakes

Say out loud that this is just practice. When the pressure drops, you move more freely.

TRY THIS
Call your next scary task a practice run.

TIP 3

Pick a small audience

Practise in front of one friend, a mirror or a recorder. Small audiences feel safer.

TRY THIS
Choose one safe person to try it with.

TIP 4

Set a very low standard

Aim for finished, not great. A low bar lets you start.

TRY THIS
Write what bad but done looks like for this task.

TIP 5

Take the first step

Send the email, join the class or step on the stage. The first move defeats most of the fear.

TRY THIS
Do the first step in the next ten minutes.

TIP 6

Notice what actually happens

Fear predicts disaster, but real results are mild. Compare the two afterwards.

TRY THIS
Write what you feared and what happened.

TIP 7

Laugh a little

Smiling at your own clumsiness helps others relax too. Humour helps you recover.

TRY THIS
Make a gentle joke about your first try.

TIP 8

Ask for kind feedback

Tell people you are a beginner and ask for one tip. Most will happily help.

TRY THIS
Ask for one tip after your try.

TIP 9

Repeat it soon

Repeating the thing within days locks in the learning and makes it feel less scary.

TRY THIS
Schedule your second try this week.

TIP 10

Keep a list of scary firsts

Writing down each brave first builds a record of courage.

TRY THIS
Start a courage list today.

TIP 11

Share the story

Telling people about your bad first try shows courage and often inspires them.

TRY THIS
Tell someone about your messy start.

TIP 12

Reward bravery

Give yourself a small treat for doing something hard. It tells your brain bravery pays.

TRY THIS
Plan a treat after your next scary first.

TIP 13

Name the fear before the task

Saying I am scared of being judged, but I am doing it anyway takes away some of the fear’s power. A named fear is easier to carry.

TRY THIS
Say your fear out loud before you start.

TIP 14

Pick a tiny audience

Do the scary thing in front of one kind person or in front of nobody at all. Small audiences feel safe and give you honest feedback.

TRY THIS
Choose one friend to try it with.

TIP 15

Set a very low standard

Aim for ten percent of perfect the first time, so the bar is easy to clear. A low bar frees you to begin.

TRY THIS
Write what bad but finished looks like.

TIP 16

Do it fast

Fast and messy beats slow and perfect, because speed leaves less time for fear. Set a timer and go.

TRY THIS
Set a ten-minute timer.

TIP 17

Record your first attempt

A rough recording or note of your first try becomes precious proof of progress later. Keep it, even if it makes you cringe.

TRY THIS
Save one first attempt today.

TIP 18

Laugh about it

Humour makes bad first tries easier to share and forgive. Saying that was terrible with a smile takes the pressure off.

TRY THIS
Laugh gently at your next clumsy try.

TIP 19

Expect quick improvement

The second try is nearly always better than the first, because the biggest gap is between nothing and something. Plan your second go.

TRY THIS
Schedule your second attempt this week.

TIP 20

Praise the courage

Starting is the brave part, so say well done for it. Courage deserves credit even when results are messy.

TRY THIS
Say it aloud after you begin.

TIP 21

Compare with the alternative

Doing it badly is better than not doing it, because you learn nothing from avoiding. Remember the cost of never trying.

TRY THIS
Write what not trying would cost you.

TIP 22

Ask for a mentor’s tip

Someone who has done it can give one tip that saves months of trial and error. Ask kindly and listen.

TRY THIS
Ask one person for a tip.

TIP 23

Do it in small doses

Five minutes at a time reduces fear and builds a habit. Repeat daily until it feels normal.

TRY THIS
Plan three short sessions this week.

TIP 24

Enjoy the beginner stage

Beginners get to be curious, make mistakes and be forgiven. Smile at the freedom of not being expected to be good.

TRY THIS
Say I am a beginner and that is fun.

TIP 25

Write about it afterwards

Journaling after a scary thing shows its true size, which is usually smaller than your fear. Write three lines.

TRY THIS
Write three lines tonight.

TIP 26

Thank the people who helped

People who cheer you on make trying easier. A thank-you strengthens friendships and your courage.

TRY THIS
Send one thank-you today.

TIP 27

Remember other people’s first attempts

Everyone you admire was clumsy at first. Looking up a hero’s early work can make your own start feel normal.

TRY THIS
Look up an early attempt by someone you admire.

TIP 28

Reward yourself

A small treat after doing something scary teaches your brain that bravery pays. Choose something simple.

TRY THIS
Plan a reward for after your next try.

TIP 29

Take photos of your efforts

Pictures of your first attempts become treasured proof of progress. They are fun to look back on.

TRY THIS
Take one photo today.

TIP 30

Share on a small scale

Show a friend or a small group your first try and listen to their kind feedback. Most people are supportive.

TRY THIS
Share one piece with someone safe.

TIP 31

Avoid comparing yourself to experts

Compare with your own starting line, not with someone with ten years of practice. Fair comparisons protect your courage.

TRY THIS
Remind yourself of your own starting point.

TIP 32

Reduce the stakes

Call it practice, not performance. When it does not count, you can try freely.

TRY THIS
Say this is practice before you begin.

TIP 33

Plan the next scary thing

Keep a list of brave things and do one each month. Courage grows with regular use.

TRY THIS
Write three brave things for this year.

TIP 34

Look back on early tries

Months later your early attempts will make you smile and show how far you have come. Keep them safe.

TRY THIS
Create a folder for first tries.

TIP 35

Pass the idea on

Telling a friend to do something badly spreads courage and builds a culture of trying. It also reminds you.

TRY THIS
Share the idea with someone this week.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

TRY

“I am going to do this badly, and I am okay with that.”

SHARE

“This is my first try, so please be kind.”

ASK

“Could I get feedback on this rough version?”

OWN

“I did it, and it was messy.”

PLAN

“I will do the next one a little better.”

JOKE

“It was not pretty, but it happened.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Name a scary task

DAY 2
Give yourself permission to do it badly

DAY 3
Do it for ten minutes

DAY 4
Share a rough result

DAY 5
Collect feedback

DAY 6
Do it again a little better

DAY 7
Smile at the progress

Further reading

• The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman)
• The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown)
• Mindset (Carol Dweck)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.