Confidence / Building Self-Confidence / Lesson 03

LESSON 03 · BUILDING SELF-CONFIDENCE

Your Hidden Strengths List

Twelve questions to help you find strengths you have been overlooking.

You are better at some things than you think. Let us find them.

35 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

35 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman), The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown), Mindset (Carol Dweck), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Start with what comes easily

The things that feel easy for you are often strengths other people find hard. You may have never noticed.

TRY THIS
List three things that feel easy to you.

TIP 2

Ask people close to you

Friends and family often see strengths you miss. Their answers are free and honest.

TRY THIS
Send a text: what do you think I am good at?

TIP 3

Look at past compliments

Compliments you brushed off are a goldmine. They point to real strengths.

TRY THIS
Write down every compliment you remember.

TIP 4

Notice what you enjoy

You often enjoy using your strengths. Joy is a useful clue.

TRY THIS
Mark three tasks that make you feel alive.

TIP 5

Find the skill under the skill

A person who organises parties also plans, listens and solves problems. Look deeper than the label.

TRY THIS
Pick one activity and list the three skills behind it.

TIP 6

Count the hard times you handled

Getting through a bad year proves patience, courage or stubbornness. All are strengths.

TRY THIS
Write one hard time and the strength you used.

TIP 7

Do not discount ordinary skills

Cooking, listening, fixing things and being on time are real strengths. Quiet strengths still count.

TRY THIS
Add three ordinary skills to your list.

TIP 8

Make a one-page strengths list

Seeing everything on one page makes it real. It also gives you something to read on bad days.

TRY THIS
Write your list on one page and date it.

TIP 9

Name your top five

Sorting helps you focus. The top five usually show up in most of your best work.

TRY THIS
Circle your five biggest strengths.

TIP 10

Share your strength

Helping someone with your strength reminds you it is real and useful.

TRY THIS
Offer to help one person with something you are good at.

TIP 11

Update the list monthly

You keep growing. A monthly check adds new strengths and keeps the list fresh.

TRY THIS
Put a reminder in your calendar for next month.

TIP 12

Use the three-circle test

Draw three circles: what you are good at, what you enjoy and what others value. Strengths often live where the circles overlap, so write one item in each circle.

TRY THIS
Draw the three circles and add two items to each.

TIP 13

Look at your childhood

What did you love doing before anyone told you what was useful? Childhood play often points to natural strengths such as building, helping, performing or organising.

TRY THIS
Write three things you loved doing as a child.

TIP 14

Ask what people thank you for

When people thank you, they are naming a strength. If they thank you for staying calm, listening or making them laugh, those are real skills.

TRY THIS
Write the last three things people thanked you for.

TIP 15

Notice what you do without effort

Things that feel easy to you can feel like magic to others. If you find them easy, you may overlook them as strengths.

TRY THIS
List two tasks others find hard that you do easily.

TIP 16

Check your energy

After using a true strength, you often feel energised rather than drained. Notice which activities leave you feeling more awake.

TRY THIS
Rate your energy after three activities today.

TIP 17

Use a strengths test

Free tools such as the VIA Character Strengths survey give you a ranked list of your top character strengths. Seeing the result in print can be a surprise and a boost.

TRY THIS
Take a free strengths survey online this week.

TIP 18

Look at your job reviews

Old feedback from managers, teachers and clients names strengths in black and white. Read it with fresh eyes and underline the positive words.

TRY THIS
Find one old review and highlight the praise.

TIP 19

Separate skill from strength

A skill is something you can do, while a strength is something you do well and enjoy. Both matter, so list them separately.

TRY THIS
Make two columns: skills and strengths.

TIP 20

Look for hidden strengths in hard times

Getting through a difficult year may show patience, resilience or resourcefulness. These strengths are easy to miss because they were not pleasant to use.

TRY THIS
Name one strength you used in your hardest time.

TIP 21

Ask how others would describe you

Imagine your best friend describing you to a stranger. The words they would use are often your strengths.

TRY THIS
Write the three words your friend would choose.

TIP 22

Look at your values in action

If you care about fairness, a strength might be speaking up for others. Values and strengths usually come together.

TRY THIS
Write one value and the strength that goes with it.

TIP 23

Study what you can teach

Anything you could teach for ten minutes is a strength. It might be cooking an egg, calming a child or reading a map.

TRY THIS
List three things you could teach someone today.

TIP 24

Notice what draws you in

Topics you read about for fun point to curiosity and talent. Follow the pull of your interest.

TRY THIS
Write the last three topics you read about for fun.

TIP 25

Do not mistake modesty for weakness

Many kind people downplay their gifts to avoid sounding proud. Naming a strength honestly is not boasting.

TRY THIS
Say one strength out loud without adding but.

TIP 26

Check what you would miss

Imagine your team without you, and ask what would be missed. That gap shows your contribution.

TRY THIS
Write what your group would miss without you.

TIP 27

Use a weekly strength spotter

At the end of each day, write one moment when you used a strength. After a month you will have thirty examples.

TRY THIS
Start a daily strength note tonight.

TIP 28

Turn weaknesses into strengths

Over-thinking can become careful planning, bossiness can become leadership and sensitivity can become empathy. Look at the other side of your weak spot.

TRY THIS
Rewrite one weakness as a strength in the right setting.

TIP 29

Use the strengths of your culture and family

Family stories often hold strengths such as resilience, humour or generosity that you carry too. They are part of your inheritance.

TRY THIS
Ask a relative what strength runs in your family.

TIP 30

Pair strengths with goals

Choose a goal and ask which strength will help you reach it. Connecting the two makes the goal feel more possible.

TRY THIS
Match one strength to one goal.

TIP 31

Strengths grow when used

Like muscles, strengths get stronger with use. Choose one to use deliberately every day this week.

TRY THIS
Pick one strength and plan three ways to use it.

TIP 32

Give your strengths names

Calling yourself a calm presence or a connector makes the strength easier to remember. A name turns an idea into an identity.

TRY THIS
Choose a short name for your top strength.

TIP 33

Share your list with someone you trust

Saying your strengths out loud to a friend makes them feel real. They may add a few you missed.

TRY THIS
Read your list to one friend.

TIP 34

Keep a copy where you can see it

On a hard day, a visible list brings your mind back to the facts. Put it on your phone or desk.

TRY THIS
Save your list as a phone note today.

TIP 35

Review and add each season

You grow and change, so your list should too. A quarterly review keeps it honest and fresh.

TRY THIS
Add a calendar reminder to review in three months.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

ASK

“What do people usually ask me for help with?”

PROOF

“What did I do well that I did not notice?”

LEARN

“What would you say is my best quality?”

THANKS

“Thank you, that is kind to hear.”

PLAN

“I can use this strength more often.”

SHARE

“Here is something I am good at.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Ask two friends for one strength each

DAY 2
List ten things you did well this year

DAY 3
Note which tasks make time fly

DAY 4
Write down your three strongest traits

DAY 5
Use one strength in a new way

DAY 6
Thank someone who named a strength

DAY 7
Put the list somewhere you will see it

Further reading

• The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman)
• The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown)
• Mindset (Carol Dweck)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.