Approaching Someone Naturally
Forty easy ways to walk up to someone, say hello and start a friendly chat without feeling awkward.
You do not need a perfect line. A warm hello and one real question are enough to start.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from well-known books on friendly conversation and from simple, practical advice. The first six are the best place to start. Pick one and try it today.
Start with the situation you share
The easiest opening is something you both see or feel: the line, the music, the food, the weather. It is natural, it needs no courage, and it gives the other person an easy reply.
Say one friendly comment about the place right now, like This music is great.
Look for open, friendly signals
People who stand alone, look around, smile or wait are often glad to talk. Headphones, a closed book or a fast walk usually mean not now.
Before you walk over, check three signs: their face, their posture and what they are doing.
Approach from the side, not head-on
Walking straight at someone can feel like a challenge. Coming in at a slight angle feels softer and lets them see you early and relax.
Next time, step in from the side and stop about two steps away.
Smile first, then speak
A smile tells someone you are friendly before you say a word. It also helps your own nerves settle, so your first sentence comes out calmer.
Smile at the person as you take your first step toward them.
Say hello within a few seconds
Waiting makes the moment bigger in your head. When you decide to approach, move within about five seconds and say a simple hello before the doubts arrive.
Count down from three, then walk over and say Hi.
Ask for a small opinion or recommendation
People like to help and like to share what they know. Asking What would you order here? or Is this book any good? starts a chat with no pressure.
Ask one person for a small recommendation today.
Stand at a comfortable distance
About an arm’s length plus a little is comfortable for most people. Too close feels pushy, and too far makes it hard to talk.
Stop at about one and a half arm lengths and watch how they react.
Introduce yourself early
Say your name in the first minute and ask theirs. It turns a stranger into a person and makes it easier to continue or to meet again.
Practise out loud: Hi, I am …, what is your name?
Keep your first sentence short
A short opening is easier to say and easier to answer. Save the long story for later, when the other person is already listening.
Write one opener with fewer than ten words and say it out loud.
Use a warm voice, not a performance
You do not need to be loud, funny or clever. A warm, calm voice and a real question do more than a prepared joke.
Say your opener in the same tone you use with a good friend.
Give them an easy way to reply
Questions with an easy answer, like Have you been here before?, are simple to answer. Avoid heavy topics or anything that needs a long explanation.
Choose a question that can be answered in one sentence.
Follow up with an open question
After your opener, ask a question that starts with What or How. It invites a short story and keeps the chat moving without effort.
Turn one yes or no question into a What or How question.
Notice what they are doing
Look at what they hold, read or wear. A book, a drink or a sports bag gives you a natural subject and shows you are paying attention.
Find one detail about someone and ask a question about it.
Offer small help
Holding a door, passing something or giving directions is a gentle way to begin. It shows kindness and often leads to a short, warm chat.
Look for one small way to help someone today.
Compliment a choice, not a body
A kind comment about their taste, idea or work is safe and welcome. Keep it about what they chose, and keep it sincere.
Give one honest compliment about something a person chose.
Be curious, not clever
People feel good when you are interested in them. Ask real questions and listen to the answers, instead of trying to impress.
In your next chat, ask two questions before you talk about yourself.
Match their energy
If they are calm and quiet, speak softly. If they are lively, add a little more energy. Matching helps them feel comfortable with you.
Notice the other person’s pace and match it a little.
Skip the pickup lines
Tricks and lines usually feel fake. A simple, honest hello works better and feels respectful.
Replace any clever line with a plain, friendly hello.
Read their reply
A warm answer, eye contact and a question back mean they want to talk. Short answers and looking away mean you can finish kindly.
After your opener, notice if they ask you something back.
Accept a no without taking it personally
Sometimes people are busy, shy or having a bad day. It is not about you. Say Nice to meet you or Enjoy your day and move on.
Practise a calm exit line: No problem, enjoy your day.
Join groups at a natural pause
Wait for a gap, smile and say Mind if I join? Most groups welcome one more friendly person.
At your next event, wait for a pause and ask to join.
Bring a buddy
Having a friend nearby makes it easier to start. They can help with introductions, and you can leave together if you need to.
Ask a friend to come along and agree to meet one new person each.
Choose places where talking is normal
Classes, clubs, markets, coffee queues and events are built for chat. People expect it and welcome it.
Pick one place this week where people usually talk.
Arrive early to events
Early on, the room is quieter and people stand alone. It is much easier to approach one person than a crowd.
Arrive 15 minutes early and say hello to the first person you see.
Use the waiting moments
Queues, lifts and waiting rooms are natural places for a short chat. Everyone is already stuck there, so a comment feels normal.
Make one small comment the next time you wait in line.
Breathe before you step forward
Slow, deep breaths calm your body before you speak. Breathe out slowly for a few seconds as you walk over.
Breathe in for 4 and out for 6 before you move.
Plan two or three openers
Having a few ready lowers the pressure. Pick lines for common places and change them to fit the moment.
Write three openers: one for a cafe, one for an event and one for work.
Speak at a calm pace
Nerves make us rush. A slower pace sounds confident and helps the other person follow you.
Say your first sentence a little slower than normal.
Face them with your whole body
Turn your shoulders and feet toward the person. It shows you are paying attention and want to talk.
Check that your feet point toward the person you are talking to.
Put your phone away
Looking at a screen tells people you are busy. Keep it in your pocket so you stay open to a chat.
Leave your phone in your pocket while you wait for your coffee.
Share a small detail about yourself
A little about you, like I am new here, gives them something to connect with and makes the chat feel equal.
Add one small personal detail within the first minute.
Use their name
Repeat their name once you hear it. It helps you remember and makes them feel noticed.
Say Nice to meet you, followed by their name.
End while it is still good
A short, happy chat is better than one that drags. Finish when the energy drops, with a warm line.
Close with: It was nice talking to you, enjoy the rest of your day.
Suggest a next step if it went well
If you enjoyed the chat, suggest something simple: See you here next week, or Can I add you on social media? Keep it light and free of pressure.
If it feels right, say See you next week.
Do not expect every chat to be great
Some chats will be short or awkward. That is normal practice, not failure. Each one makes the next one easier.
Count the tries, not the results, this week.
Reflect, then let it go
Think of one thing that went well and one thing to try next time. Then stop replaying it.
Write one win and one idea after each chat.
Start small, then build
Begin with a smile, then a hello, then a short comment. Each step is easy, and together they make approaching feel natural.
Do one step bigger than last time.
Watch someone who does it well
Notice a friendly person at work or in a cafe. See how they start, smile and listen, and borrow one habit.
Copy one habit from a person who approaches well.
Assume people are friendly
Most people are kind and a little shy too. If you expect a warm reply, your face and voice will be warmer, and it often comes true.
Before you approach, tell yourself: they are probably friendly.
Make it a weekly habit
Approaching gets easier with practice. One small hello a day, or three a week, builds a skill that lasts.
Set a goal of three hellos to new people this week.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work almost anywhere.
“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m …”
“This place is so busy today!”
“Have you tried the coffee here?”
“What brings you here today?”
“Can I save you a seat?”
“It was nice meeting you. Enjoy your day!”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Smile at three people
Say hello to a neighbour or colleague
Make one comment about the place
Ask one small question
Introduce yourself with your name
Join a small group chat
Start a two minute chat with someone new
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. A classic on showing real interest in other people.
- How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes. Practical techniques for starting and handling conversations.
- The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. How warmth, presence and confidence can be learned.
Photos are from Unsplash and used under the Unsplash licence. The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Starting Conversations”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Overcoming ShynessNext: The First 10 Seconds →
- Overcoming Shyness
- Approaching Someone Naturally
- The First 10 Seconds
- 10 Easy Opening Lines
- Eye Contact & Body Language
- Asking Good Questions
- Keeping a Conversation Going
- Active Listening
- Handling Awkward Silence
- Ending a Conversation Politely
- Meeting a New Coworker
- Talking to Your Manager
- Small Talk Before Meetings
- Business Networking Events
- Starting Conversations with Customers
- Professional Introductions
- Following Up After Meeting Someone
- Starting Conversations at the Gym
- Giving Respectful Compliments
- Talking About Workouts
- Meeting People at Sports Clubs
- Respecting Personal Space
- From Gym Acquaintance to Friend
- Starting Conversations at Parties
- Joining a Group Conversation
- Introducing Yourself at Events
- Talking to Friends of Friends
- Finding Common Interests
- Moving Beyond Small Talk
- Exchanging Contact Information
- Conversations at Coffee Shops
- Talking at Stores & Bookshops
- Meeting Your Neighbours
- Talking While Waiting in Line
- Talking to Someone You Find Attractive
- First Messages on Dating Apps
- Talking Across Cultures
- Overcoming Language Barriers
- Handling Rejection Respectfully
- Turning Introductions into Friendships
