Words of Praise That Mean Something
Forty easy tips to give words of praise that mean something, so your partner feels truly seen.
Specific praise lasts. Say what you see.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman), Eight Dates (John and Julie Gottman), Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Specific praise beats general praise
Instead of you are great, say, I love how you stayed calm with the kids. Specific words feel real.
Be specific.
Notice effort, not only results
Praise the work, patience and courage behind a result. Effort praise feels deep.
Notice effort.
Say it sincerely
Only say what you mean. Honest praise warms; fake praise feels cold.
Be honest.
Add the impact
Say, because of that, I felt safe. Telling the effect adds meaning.
Add why.
Use their name
Say, thank you, Sam. A name makes it personal.
Use their name.
Say it face to face
Look at them while you say it. Eye contact deepens the words.
Look kindly.
Write it down
A short note on a pillow, a text or a card lasts longer than spoken words. They can reread it.
Write one.
Praise in front of others
If they enjoy it, share praise in front of friends. Public pride feels lovely.
Ask first.
Praise often
A daily kind word has more power than a rare big speech. Make it a habit.
Praise daily.
Praise their character too
Say, I love how honest and gentle you are. Character praise builds identity.
Name a trait.
Receive praise from them well
Say thank you with a smile. Accepting praise teaches them that their words matter.
Thank them.
Example: the note
Jen left a note saying, I am proud of how hard you work, and I see it. Her partner kept it in his wallet.
Write a note.
Example: the specific
Omar said, I loved how patient you were with my mother. His wife glowed.
Be specific.
Example: the effort
Ana said, I know you were nervous, and you did it anyway, I am proud. Her partner stood taller.
Praise courage.
Script: praising
I really admire how you handled that today. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: adding impact
Because of how you listened, I felt safe. Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: naming trait
I love how kind and honest you are. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for being you. Say it gently.
Use it.
Mistake: using praise to manipulate
Praise should be honest, so mean it.
Be honest.
Troubleshoot: when you feel shy saying it
Write it first, then say it. Practice makes it easier.
Write first.
Troubleshoot: when they deflect praise
Say it again kindly, and let them feel it. Some people are not used to praise.
Repeat gently.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas
Keep a list of things you admire and add one each day.
Keep a list.
Drill: give three specific praises today
Find three real things and say them clearly.
Do three.
Drill: write a praise note
Write one note about what you appreciate and hide it somewhere they will find.
Write it.
Book idea: words build or break
Chapman reminds us that kind words can lift a partner for days, and harsh ones can wound for much longer.
Choose lifting words.
Book idea: praise the person, not only the result
Psychologists suggest praising effort, character and kindness so your partner feels valued for who they are.
Name a quality.
Myth: words are cheap
Sincere, specific words are some of the most powerful gifts and cost nothing but attention.
Say one true thing.
Myth: they already know I appreciate them
People need to hear love and thanks regularly, because memory of kind words fades fast.
Say it again.
Story: Tomas writes a note
Tomas left a note saying you are brave and kind, and his wife kept it in her bag for a year.
Write one note.
Story: Keira praises effort
Keira said I saw how hard you worked on dinner, thank you, and her partner beamed all evening.
Notice effort.
Journal: what do I admire about my partner?
Writing a list gives you a bank of true compliments to share.
Write ten things.
Journal: which words did I long to hear as a child?
Those words may be the ones your partner needs too, so offer them gladly.
Write them down.
Challenge: give one specific compliment every day for a week
Specific praise such as I loved how you comforted Sam feels real and warm.
Start today.
Challenge: write a thank-you letter and read it aloud
A letter slows you down and lets feelings come out clearly.
Pick a quiet time.
Red flag: compliments with a sting
Backhanded compliments, such as nice job for once, are hurtful, so name the effect kindly.
Ask for clean words.
Say this: I really appreciate how you...
A short, honest start to praise that is easy to use daily.
Complete it with your own words.
Quick win: send a text of appreciation right now
A message takes seconds and can brighten a whole day.
Send it.
Fun fact: appreciation predicts happiness
Research finds that couples who express gratitude regularly report higher satisfaction.
Share it.
Think about it: when did kind words help me most?
Remember the effect, and offer the same gift to your partner.
Write one memory.
Mini habit: say one kind thing before leaving home each day
A warm farewell sets a good tone for both of you.
Try it tomorrow.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“I really admire how you handled that.”
“Thank you for doing that.”
“I noticed how kind you were.”
“I am proud of you.”
“I love how you care.”
“You matter to me.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice one good thing
Say it clearly
Add why it matters
Say it today
Write a note
Praise in front of others
Repeat weekly
Further reading
- The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
- Eight Dates (John and Julie Gottman)
- Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Showing Love Every Day”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Find Your Partner’s Love LanguageNext: Quality Time That Counts →
- Find Your Own Love Language
- Find Your Partner’s Love Language
- Words of Praise That Mean Something
- Quality Time That Counts
- Say Good Morning and Good Night Warmly
- Send a Sweet Message in the Day
- Hug for Twenty Seconds
- Say Thank You for Small Things
- Plan Regular Date Nights
- Surprise Them With Small Gifts
- Try New Things Together
- Laugh Together Every Day
- Support Them When They Are Stressed
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Be Kind When You Are Tired
- Help Without Being Asked
- Share Dreams and Goals
- Create Your Own Traditions
- Say I Love You in New Ways
- Make a Love Plan for the Year
