Making Friends / How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend / Lesson 28

LESSON 28 · HOW TO TURN AN ACQUAINTANCE INTO A FRIEND

Let Them See You Imperfect

Thirty-two ways to let them see you imperfect, the generous gift that makes real friendship possible.

Perfection keeps people at a distance. Imperfection lets them in.

29 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

29 tips that really help

These ideas come from Platonic (Marisa Franco), Friendship (Lydia Denworth), Friends (Robin Dunbar), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

The pratfall effect

Psychologist Elliot Aronson found that competent people become more likeable after a small blunder. Showing flaws makes you relatable.

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Allow one small mistake.

TIP 2

Perfection pushes people away

People who always appear flawless can seem unreachable or fake. Friends want a real person.

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Loosen your image.

TIP 3

Admit a small flaw

I am terrible with directions is charming and harmless. Start with the safe ones.

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Share a flaw.

TIP 4

Show your messy side

Let a friend see your cluttered desk or unmade bed. A bit of mess is intimate.

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Open the door.

TIP 5

Laugh at your mistakes

When you spill something, laugh. It shows you are secure and fun.

TRY THIS
Smile.

TIP 6

Ask for help

Needing help shows trust and gives them a chance to be generous. Ask for something small.

TRY THIS
Ask today.

TIP 7

Share a struggle

Telling a friend about a hard week, in brief, invites support. It makes you real.

TRY THIS
Share briefly.

TIP 8

Say I do not know

Admitting you do not know is honest and attractive. Do not bluff.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 9

Apologise sincerely

When you slip, apologise simply and move on. Maturity wins trust.

TRY THIS
Say sorry once.

TIP 10

Accept their imperfection too

Be kind about their flaws. Mutual grace is the foundation.

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Be gentle.

TIP 11

Be consistent

Do not oscillate between flawless and a mess. Let honesty be steady.

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Keep it real.

TIP 12

Choose safe people

Show imperfection to kind people first. Build trust.

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Pick one.

TIP 13

Script: admitting

I am honestly not very good at this, but I am enjoying it. Warm.

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Use it.

TIP 14

Script: laughing

Well, that went wrong, did it not? Light.

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Use it.

TIP 15

Script: asking

Would you mind helping me with this? I am stuck. Trusting.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: thanking

Thank you for being so kind about it. Grateful.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

I am glad you know the real me. Heartfelt.

TRY THIS
Say it.

TIP 18

Mistake: hiding behind a perfect image

It blocks closeness. Let some real show.

TRY THIS
Share one real thing.

TIP 19

Mistake: oversharing flaws

Balance. Do not turn every meeting into confession.

TRY THIS
Mix with strengths.

TIP 20

Mistake: judging yourself harshly

Self-criticism in front of friends makes them uneasy. Be kind to yourself.

TRY THIS
Soften.

TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when someone judges you

They may not be a safe person. Step back and seek kinder friends.

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Choose carefully.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you feel exposed

Remind yourself that most people respond with warmth. Breathe.

TRY THIS
Pause.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you cannot stop striving

Notice the fear behind perfectionism and be gentle. Practise small risks.

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Take a tiny risk.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when shame arises

Name it, breathe and tell a trusted person. Shame shrinks in company.

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Talk.

TIP 25

Troubleshoot: when they overshare back

Listen kindly and gently set pace. Care for both.

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Be kind.

TIP 26

Drill: one imperfect thing a day

Let one small imperfection show, such as an unironed shirt. Build tolerance.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 27

Drill: a flaw confession

Tell a friend a harmless quirk. Laugh together.

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Share it.

TIP 28

Drill: a help request

Ask for small help weekly. Practise vulnerability.

TRY THIS
Ask.

TIP 29

Drill: a kindness to yourself

Say one kind thing about your imperfect self. Self-compassion.

TRY THIS
Say it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.

ADMIT

“I made a mess of that.”

LAUGH

“I am hopeless at this, honestly.”

ASK

“Could you help me with this?”

SHARE

“I have a lot to learn.”

THANK

“Thanks for not judging.”

CLOSE

“I am glad you know the real me.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Admit one small flaw

DAY 2
Show your untidy side

DAY 3
Ask for help

DAY 4
Laugh at a mistake

DAY 5
Share a struggle

DAY 6
Thank them for accepting you

DAY 7
Notice their response

Further reading

• Platonic (Marisa Franco)
• Friendship (Lydia Denworth)
• Friends (Robin Dunbar)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.