The Power of Small Vulnerabilities
Thirty-two ways to use the power of small vulnerabilities, the gentle honesty that makes people trust you.
Perfect people are hard to love. A little honesty makes you human and approachable.
26 tips that really help
These ideas come from Platonic (Marisa Franco), Friendship (Lydia Denworth), Friends (Robin Dunbar), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
What vulnerability means
Brené Brown defines it as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. In friendship it simply means letting someone see the real you.
Read about it.
Small, not enormous
You do not have to share your deepest secrets. A small honest admission is enough to open the door.
Keep it modest.
Admit a minor mistake
I locked my keys in the car today shows humility and invites laughter. It makes you relatable.
Share one.
Admit nerves
I was nervous about this coffee, to be honest is disarming. It often puts the other at ease.
Say it.
Say I do not know
Admitting you do not know invites help and shows honesty. It is attractive.
Practise.
Ask for small help
Could you recommend a good dentist? Asking trusts them. It builds mutual.
Ask one.
Share how you feel
I felt a bit left out at that party is brave and honest. Choose safe people.
Share one feeling.
Share a fear lightly
I am a bit scared of speaking in public. It makes you human.
Share a mild fear.
Share a joy
Telling someone what lights you up is also vulnerable. Share it.
Share one joy.
Receive their vulnerability
When they share, listen without fixing. Receiving matters as much.
Listen.
Reciprocate gently
Offer something similar when they share. Balanced.
Match them.
Choose safe people
Vulnerability works best with kind, trustworthy people. Pick wisely.
Choose carefully.
Script: nerves
I will be honest, I was nervous about meeting up. Warm.
Use it.
Script: mistake
I did something silly today, let me tell you. Light.
Use it.
Script: feeling
I have been feeling a bit low lately. Honest.
Use with trust.
Script: help
Could I ask your advice about something? Trusting.
Use it.
Script: thanks
Thank you for listening, it really helped. Grateful.
Say it.
Mistake: oversharing to strangers
Share at the pace of trust. Protect yourself.
Pace it.
Mistake: using vulnerability to manipulate
Share honestly, not to extract sympathy. Authentic.
Be real.
Mistake: fishing for reassurance
Do not share just to be soothed. Mutual.
Check intent.
Troubleshoot: when they react coldly
Do not retreat entirely. Some people are awkward. Stay kind.
Go gently.
Troubleshoot: when you regret sharing
Breathe. Most people do not judge. Talk it through.
Reflect.
Troubleshoot: when you feel exposed
Ground yourself with a breath. It passes.
Breathe.
Troubleshoot: when they overshare
Listen kindly and set gentle limits. Care.
Be kind.
Troubleshoot: when you cannot find words
Say it is hard to say. That itself is vulnerable.
Try that.
Drill: practise the sentence
Say I was nervous in a mirror. Ease.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“I was really nervous about coming today.”
“I find this hard to talk about, but here goes.”
“Have you ever felt like that?”
“Thank you for listening.”
“That means a lot to me.”
“I feel lighter for saying it.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Share one small worry
Admit one small mistake
Ask for help with something minor
Say I am not sure
Share how you feel
Thank them for listening
Reflect
Further reading
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Friendship (Lydia Denworth)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
