Be the One Who Suggests Plans
Thirty easy ways to be the one who suggests plans, so friendships grow because somebody starts them.
Someone has to ask. Let it be you.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Platonic (Marisa Franco), Friendship (Lydia Denworth), Friends (Robin Dunbar), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why start plans
Most people wait to be asked. The person who suggests plans builds the friendship.
Be first.
Accept the first-move role
Do not keep score. Starting often is a gift to both of you.
Let go of scores.
Keep a list of ideas
Note easy plans such as walks, coffee, markets. Ideas ready help.
List ideas.
Choose low-cost plans
Cheap and simple plans feel easy to say yes to. Free is great.
Keep it cheap.
Suggest a specific day
Say Thursday at one, not sometime. Specific plans happen.
Name a day.
Use a clear message
Short and warm, with time and place. Easy to answer.
Be clear.
Offer two options
Give a small choice. It feels flexible.
Offer two.
Be flexible
Adjust if they cannot. Flexibility shows care.
Flex.
Confirm a day before
A short reminder helps. Warm and simple.
Remind them.
Show up on time
Reliability builds trust. Arrive early if possible.
Be on time.
Say thanks after
A short message afterwards cements the bond. Warm.
Thank them.
Plan the next one
End by suggesting another meet. Keep momentum.
Plan next.
Script: suggesting
Want to grab lunch this week? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: idea
I found a nice cafe, would you like to try it? Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: time
How about Thursday at one? Say it clearly.
Use it.
Script: easy
No pressure at all, only if it suits you. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: closing
Thanks for coming, I really enjoyed it. Say it gladly.
Use it.
Mistake: planning something huge
Big plans scare people, so keep small.
Keep small.
Mistake: being vague
Maybe sometime rarely happens, so be specific.
Be specific.
Troubleshoot: when you always initiate
Mention it gently or invite others too. Balance may come.
Invite widely.
Troubleshoot: when they never suggest
Some people are shy, so keep suggesting kindly. Appreciate responses.
Stay kind.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of ideas
Search local events or ask friends. Ideas are everywhere.
Search events.
Troubleshoot: when you feel tired
Choose a quiet plan such as tea. Rest and connect.
Go quiet.
Troubleshoot: when cost is a worry
Pick free parks, libraries or walks. Easy.
Go free.
Drill: suggest one plan this week
Pick one person and send an invite. Do it today.
Send it.
Drill: build an idea list
List ten simple plans. Save in your phone.
List them.
Drill: monthly plan target
Aim to suggest two plans a month. Track.
Track it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday friendships.
“Want to grab lunch this week?”
“I found a nice place.”
“Thursday at one?”
“No pressure at all.”
“Great, see you there.”
“Thanks for coming.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Think of a plan
Pick a day
Send the invite
Be flexible
Confirm
Show up
Say thanks
Further reading
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
- Friendship (Lydia Denworth)
- Friends (Robin Dunbar)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “How to Turn an Acquaintance Into a Friend”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Handle a Maybe or a No GracefullyNext: Do an Activity Instead of Just Talking →
- The Rule of Repeated Contact
- Friendship Takes Around Fifty Hours
- Why Small Moments Matter Most
- Proximity, Repetition and Shared Experience
- Weak Ties Can Become Strong Ties
- Why Most Friendships Stall
- What Makes Someone Click With You
- The Low-Pressure Invite
- Invite for Coffee, Not for a Commitment
- Suggest Something You Both Mentioned
- Offer Two Options Instead of One
- Text the Invitation Naturally
- Handle a Maybe or a No Gracefully
- Be the One Who Suggests Plans
- Do an Activity Instead of Just Talking
- Try a New Thing Together
- Cook or Eat Together
- Walks and Outings That Bond
- Attend an Event Together
- Make a Small Tradition
- Help Each Other With Something Real
- Share a Little More Each Time
- The Power of Small Vulnerabilities
- Ask Questions That Go Deeper
- Share Your Real Opinions
- Trade Stories, Not Just Facts
- Say "Me Too" With Care
- Let Them See You Imperfect
- Meet Their Other Friends
- Introduce Them to Yours
- Remember Their Important Dates
- Check In During Tough Times
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Show Up When It Counts
- Say Out Loud That You Enjoy Their Company
- Become Each Other's Go-To Person
- Give Each Other a Nickname or a Ritual
- Be Patient: Closeness Cannot Be Rushed
- Know When a Friendship Is Not Taking Off
- Your Friendship Growth Plan
