Stop Apologising Before You Speak
Thirty-two easy ways to stop apologising before you speak, so your first words sound calm and worth hearing.
Start without sorry. Your words matter.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking (Dale Carnegie), Talk Like TED (Carmine Gallo), Made to Stick (Chip and Dan Heath), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Start without sorry
Opening with “Sorry” tells people to expect a poor performance. Start with warmth and your message instead.
Replace “Sorry” with “Thank you” in your next opening.
Notice your apologies
Many people say sorry dozens of times a day without noticing. Count yours for one day to see how common it is.
Tally your sorries for a day.
Replace sorry with thank you
“Sorry I am late” can become “Thank you for waiting”. The second is warmer and avoids shrinking yourself.
Swap one apology for thanks.
Use "excuse me"
When you need attention or room, “excuse me” is polite without grovelling. It is a request, not a confession.
Use it instead of sorry.
Say "I would like to add something"
It claims your space politely. No apology needed.
Practise the phrase.
Say "Could I interrupt?"
If you must interrupt, ask. It is respectful and confident.
Use it in a meeting.
Save sorry for real wrongs
Use sorry when you have actually hurt or let someone down. It then carries weight.
Reserve it for real occasions.
Apologise once, sincerely
When you do apologise, say it once, clearly, and offer a fix. Repeated apologies burden the other person.
Practise a single clean apology.
Do not apologise for your voice
“Sorry, my voice is quiet” adds nothing. Simply speak up.
Say what you need to say.
Do not apologise for your accent
You do not owe anyone an apology for how you sound. “Please tell me if I need to repeat.”
Drop it.
Do not apologise for needing time
“Sorry, I need a moment” can be “Let me think for a moment.” Confident and polite.
Use the second form.
Do not apologise for asking
“Sorry to bother you” can become “Could I ask a quick question?”
Rephrase your requests.
Do not apologise for your opinion
“Sorry, but I disagree” can be “I see it differently.” Respectful and clear.
Use the second form.
Do not apologise for your presence
You are allowed to take up space. Say hello without sorry.
Greet with a smile.
Do not apologise before presenting
“Sorry, I am not a good speaker” lowers expectations and invites doubt. Begin well.
Start with a greeting.
Do not apologise for the slides
“Sorry, this slide is messy” draws attention. Fix it or present it.
Edit instead.
Do not apologise for the time
“Sorry I am running over” becomes “Thank you for your patience.” Better.
Use thanks.
Do not apologise for emotions
“Sorry for crying” can be “Thank you for your patience.” Emotion is human.
Be gentle with yourself.
Watch the words "just" and "only"
“I just wanted to ask” is another apology. Say “I want to ask”.
Drop them.
Watch tag questions
“That is right, isn’t it?” can sound like seeking permission. State and pause.
Make a statement.
Use a confident start
Begin with your name and your point. “I am Sam, and I want to share three ideas.”
Practise a strong opening.
Breathe first
A breath before you speak prevents apologetic rushing. Slow down.
Breathe and begin.
Stand tall
Posture influences how you feel. Stand tall and speak.
Check your posture.
Smile
A smile starts things warmly without sorry.
Smile at the start.
Be kind, not small
You can be polite and confident. Politeness does not mean apologising.
Be kind and clear.
Practise new phrases
Write alternatives to sorry and rehearse them.
Make a list of five.
Ask a friend to notice
A friend can flag every sorry. It builds awareness.
Ask them to tap the table.
Record yourself
Listen for sorries and replace them.
Record and count.
Be patient
Habits of apology run deep. Change takes weeks.
Practise daily.
Learn from culture
In some cultures apology is a courtesy and in others a weakness. Know yours and choose consciously.
Reflect on your norm.
Teach children
Teach children to say thank you and excuse me. It models confident courtesy.
Model it at home.
Use writing
In emails, replace “Sorry for the delay” with “Thank you for your patience.”
Edit your emails.
Use it in meetings
Say “Thank you for waiting” rather than “Sorry I am late.” Build presence.
Practise it.
Use it in apologies that matter
When a real apology is needed, mean it. Be specific and sincere.
Write one real apology.
Use it with yourself
Stop apologising to yourself too. Be kind inside.
Speak kindly to yourself.
Notice the change
People respond differently when you do not apologise. Notice.
Observe reactions.
Be consistent
Keep the habit in all settings. Consistency builds a confident voice.
Practise everywhere.
Celebrate your presence
Starting without sorry is claiming your right to speak. Be proud.
Say, “I belong here.”
Know what sorry does to listeners
When a speaker opens with an apology, listeners often start looking for the flaws they were warned about. Starting with warmth and a clear point leaves them looking for the value instead.
Open your next talk with a confident greeting instead of an apology.
Build a sorry-free script
Write three sorry-free versions of lines you often say, such as “Thank you for waiting”, “Could I add something?” and “Let me check that”. Having ready replacements stops the old habit slipping in under pressure.
Write your three replacement lines and keep them on a card.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I would like to share something.â€
“Thank you for having me.â€
“Here is what I think.â€
“May I add a thought?â€
“Let me start with this.â€
“Thank you for listening.â€
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice the habit
Swap sorry for thanks
Begin with the point
Speak steadily
Pause
Smile
Review
Further reading
- The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking (Dale Carnegie)
- Talk Like TED (Carmine Gallo)
- Made to Stick (Chip and Dan Heath)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Speaking Clearly”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Stop Over-ExplainingNext: Practise With a Voice Recorder →
- Slow Down by Ten Percent
- Speak From Your Belly, Not Your Throat
- The Magic of the Pause
- End Sentences Like You Mean Them
- Warm Up Your Voice in One Minute
- Find Your Natural Volume
- Vary Your Tone to Keep Attention
- Use Words a Ten-Year-Old Would Understand
- Short Sentences Sound Confident
- Cut Jargon and Filler Words
- Lead With Your Main Point
- Say One Idea at a Time
- Replace Vague Words With Exact Ones
- Read Your Words Out Loud First
- Open Your Mouth and Speak Clearly
- Stop Mumbling in Three Steps
- Pronounce Hard Words With Confidence
- Breathe at the Right Moments
- Speak Clearly on the Phone
- Speak Clearly on Video Calls
- Handle an Accent With Pride
- The Point, Reason, Example Formula
- The Rule of Three
- Start With Why It Matters
- Tell a Short Story Instead
- Use Numbers and Pictures Wisely
- Finish With One Clear Takeaway
- Answer a Question in Thirty Seconds
- Replace Um With a Silent Pause
- What to Do When You Lose Your Thought
- Recover From a Mistake Smoothly
- Stop Over-Explaining
- Stop Apologising Before You Speak
- Practise With a Voice Recorder
- Stay Clear When You Are Nervous
- Speak Clearly When Put on the Spot
- Explain Something Complicated Simply
- Speak Clearly in an Argument
- Speak Clearly to Someone Senior
- Your Daily Clarity Habit
