Set a Gentle Rhythm
Eighteen easy tips to set a gentle rhythm for staying in touch, so connections stay warm without effort.
Little and often. A rhythm makes it easy.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Give and Take (Adam Grant), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why rhythm helps
A steady rhythm keeps people close without heavy effort. Small regular contact beats big rare messages.
Set one.
List the people who matter
Write the names of ten to thirty people. A short list is easier to care for.
Write names.
Group them by closeness
Close friends monthly, good contacts every three months, others twice a year. Groups guide your rhythm.
Make groups.
Pick a simple schedule
Use easy rules such as first Monday of the month for close people. Rules reduce thinking.
Choose a rule.
Use calendar reminders
Set repeating reminders for each group. Reminders turn plans into action.
Set them.
Keep messages short
Hello, how are you, a tiny update. Short messages are easy to send and answer.
Keep short.
Vary the type
Send a note, a link, a congratulation or a call. Variety keeps it fresh.
Mix it up.
Be flexible when life is busy
Adjust the schedule without guilt. Consistency matters more than perfection.
Be flexible.
Script: hello
Hi Maya, I was thinking of you, how have you been? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: share
Here is a small update from my side, I would love to hear yours. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: catch up
It has been a while, I would love to catch up soon. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Mistake: waiting until you need something
It feels selfish, so reach out early.
Reach out early.
Mistake: sending the same message to all
People can tell, so add one detail.
Personalise.
Mistake: contacting too often
Too often feels heavy, so match your rhythm.
Pace yourself.
Troubleshoot: when you fall behind
Restart with a kind message and no big apology. People understand.
Restart kindly.
Troubleshoot: when you have too many contacts
Focus on twenty people and care for them well. Quality beats numbers.
Focus.
Drill: set three reminders today
Set repeating reminders for your close, good and light contacts.
Set them.
Drill: send two messages this week
Send two warm hellos to people you have not heard from in a while.
Send two.
Put contacts into three tiers
Inner circle monthly, middle circle quarterly, outer circle yearly. Tiers make planning easy.
Make three tiers.
Use birthdays as natural reasons
A birthday message is an easy way to reach out.
Add birthdays.
Use holidays as natural reasons
A warm note at holidays fits everyone.
Plan a holiday note.
Use news as a reason
If their company is in the news, send a congratulation.
Watch for news.
Example: the quarterly check
Lia scheduled a quarterly message to thirty people. It took one hour each quarter.
Try quarterly.
Example: the tiny hello
Ben sent a photo of a place they once visited together. It sparked a long reply.
Send a photo.
Mistake: sending the same group message to all
Group blasts feel cold. Personalise a line.
Personalise.
Troubleshoot: when you feel too busy
Pick only your top ten and keep it light.
Pick ten.
Drill: list your tiers and set reminders
Create three tiers and add a reminder for each.
Do it now.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.
“I will reach out each month.”
“It has been a while.”
“I was thinking of you.”
“How have you been?”
“Here is a small update.”
“Talk again soon.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
List your people
Group by closeness
Pick a rhythm
Set reminders
Send a short note
Track replies
Review
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Give and Take (Adam Grant)
- Platonic (Marisa Franco)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Maintaining Your Network”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
Next: Send Birthday and Congrats Notes →
- Set a Gentle Rhythm
- Send Birthday and Congrats Notes
- Share Articles They Will Like
- Meet for Coffee or a Walk
- Ask Good Questions Every Time
- Remember What Matters to Them
- Reconnect With Quiet Contacts
- Support People in Hard Times
- Celebrate Their Wins
- Review Your Network Each Year
- Meet One New Person a Month
- Build a Circle You Can Trust
