LESSON 12 · MAINTAINING YOUR NETWORK

Build a Circle You Can Trust

Eighteen easy tips to build a circle you can trust, so your network becomes a warm team.

Trust is the goal. Build it slowly.

24 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

24 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Give and Take (Adam Grant), Platonic (Marisa Franco), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Why trust matters
TIP 1

Why trust matters

A trusted circle gives advice, honest feedback and support. It is worth more than hundreds of loose contacts.

TRY THIS
Build it.
Photo for the tip: Be reliable
TIP 2

Be reliable

Do what you say and arrive on time. Reliability is the base of trust.

TRY THIS
Be reliable.
Photo for the tip: Be honest and kind
TIP 3

Be honest and kind

Tell the truth gently. People trust honest friends.

TRY THIS
Be honest.
Photo for the tip: Keep private things private
TIP 4

Keep private things private

Never share secrets. A safe friend is rare and valuable.

TRY THIS
Keep secrets.
Photo for the tip: Share credit
TIP 5

Share credit

Give thanks to others for their help. Generous people attract allies.

TRY THIS
Share credit.
Photo for the tip: Support them in public and private
TIP 6

Support them in public and private

Speak well of people. Loyalty builds trust.

TRY THIS
Be loyal.
Photo for the tip: Ask for honest feedback
TIP 7

Ask for honest feedback

Trust grows when you can speak honestly. Ask, what could I do better?

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Ask kindly.
Photo for the tip: Choose wisely who joins
TIP 8

Choose wisely who joins

Look for people who share your values. A smaller, kinder circle is stronger.

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Choose carefully.
Photo for the tip: Script: trust
TIP 9

Script: trust

I will always be honest with you, and I hope you can do the same. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: support
TIP 10

Script: support

I am here for you whenever you need. Say it kindly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: thanks
TIP 11

Script: thanks

I really appreciate your honesty, it helps me grow. Say it sincerely.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: sharing secrets
TIP 12

Mistake: sharing secrets

It destroys trust, so keep them safe.

TRY THIS
Keep safe.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when someone breaks trust
TIP 13

Troubleshoot: when someone breaks trust

Talk calmly, listen and decide what you need. Not everyone should stay close.

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Decide kindly.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel alone
TIP 14

Troubleshoot: when you feel alone

Join a group and invest in two friendships. Slow steps help.

TRY THIS
Join something.
Photo for the tip: Drill: name your inner circle
TIP 15

Drill: name your inner circle

Write five people you trust and one way to thank each.

TRY THIS
Write five.
Photo for the tip: Drill: do one trust-building act
TIP 16

Drill: do one trust-building act

Keep one promise and share one honest thought this week.

TRY THIS
Do both.
Photo for the tip: Keep promises, even tiny ones
TIP 17

Keep promises, even tiny ones

If you say you will send it, send it.

TRY THIS
Keep one today.
Photo for the tip: Be kind about others behind their back
TIP 18

Be kind about others behind their back

Speak of people as if they are in the room.

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Speak kindly.
Photo for the tip: Example: the honest friend
TIP 19

Example: the honest friend

Jo told a friend gently that a plan was risky. The friend thanked her later.

TRY THIS
Be honest kindly.
Photo for the tip: Example: the secret kept
TIP 20

Example: the secret kept

Anil kept a confidence for years. Later, that friend opened doors for him.

TRY THIS
Keep secrets.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel let down
TIP 21

Troubleshoot: when you feel let down

Talk calmly and say what hurt. Many fix things.

TRY THIS
Speak honestly.
Photo for the tip: Drill: write down five trusted people
TIP 22

Drill: write down five trusted people

Write them and one way to thank each.

TRY THIS
Write five.
Photo for the tip: Practise being a safe place for secrets
TIP 23

Practise being a safe place for secrets

Keeping private things private is the strongest sign of trust, so decide today to be that safe person for others.

TRY THIS
Make a promise to yourself.
Photo for the tip: Check in on your circle once a quarter
TIP 24

Check in on your circle once a quarter

A short message every three months to your closest people keeps the circle warm and shows you are still there.

TRY THIS
Set quarterly reminders.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

TRUST

“I can count on you.”

HONEST

“I will be honest with you.”

SUPPORT

“I am here for you.”

SHARE

“Let me share what I know.”

THANKS

“I appreciate you.”

CLOSE

“We are a good team.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Be reliable
DAY 2
Be honest
DAY 3
Keep secrets
DAY 4
Show up
DAY 5
Share credit
DAY 6
Support others
DAY 7
Stay loyal

Further reading

  • Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
  • Give and Take (Adam Grant)
  • Platonic (Marisa Franco)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “Maintaining Your Network”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Meet One New Person a Month

  1. Set a Gentle Rhythm
  2. Send Birthday and Congrats Notes
  3. Share Articles They Will Like
  4. Meet for Coffee or a Walk
  5. Ask Good Questions Every Time
  6. Remember What Matters to Them
  7. Reconnect With Quiet Contacts
  8. Support People in Hard Times
  9. Celebrate Their Wins
  10. Review Your Network Each Year
  11. Meet One New Person a Month
  12. Build a Circle You Can Trust
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