Handle a Difficult Colleague
Thirty-two easy ways to handle a difficult colleague, so you stay calm, fair and in control of your day.
You cannot change them. You can change how you respond.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg), The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman), Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Handle a difficult colleague
Difficult behaviour is common at work: interrupting, dismissing, blaming, going silent. You cannot change another person, but you can change your response, set limits and protect your work. Calm, specific, documented steps usually work better than confrontation or avoidance.
Describe one difficult behaviour in factual terms, with no labels.
Describe facts
What happens.
Write.
Describe impact
On work.
Write.
Check your part
Honest.
Reflect.
Check their view
Possible reasons.
Imagine.
Choose your goal
Better working.
Decide.
Pick a calm time
Private.
Choose.
Open kindly
“Can we talk about how we work together?”
Say it.
Use "I" statements
“I feel…, I need…”
Practise.
Ask for their view
Listen.
Ask.
Agree one change
Specific.
Propose.
Confirm in writing
Email.
Send.
Thank progress
Positive.
Say it.
Set boundaries
Time, topics.
Define.
Keep contact formal
If needed.
Use email.
Keep records
Dates, facts.
Document.
Involve your manager
If it persists.
Book.
Know policies
Harassment, bullying.
Read.
Scene: the interrupter
“Let me finish.”
Say it.
Scene: the credit-taker
Document and clarify roles.
Email.
Scene: the gossip
“I’d rather not.”
Decline.
Scene: the micromanager
Share updates proactively.
Plan.
Scene: the silent one
Ask direct questions.
Try.
Scene: the angry one
Stay calm; pause.
Breathe.
Scene: the know-it-all
Ask for evidence kindly.
Ask.
Scene: the last-minute one
Set earlier deadlines.
Agree.
Scene: the negative one
Limit exposure.
Plan.
Scene: the flatterer
Stay factual.
Be clear.
Scene: the bully
Document and report.
Seek help.
Scene: the boss
Manage up with clarity.
Prepare.
Protect your energy
Limits.
Plan.
Protect your reputation
Professional.
Stay calm.
Protect your health
Support.
Rest.
Seek perspective
Mentors.
Ask.
Know when to leave
If harmful.
Plan.
Don't take it personally
Often about them.
Remind yourself.
Be patient
Change is slow.
Keep going.
Seek help
EAP, counselling.
Consider it.
Celebrate
Handled with grace.
Mark it.
Close with calm
Say, “I choose my response.”
Write it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“Let us focus on the facts.”
“I will talk when we are both calm.”
“What would help us work together?”
“Can you explain what you need?”
“Thank you for talking this through.”
“Let us try that and review next week.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Stay calm
Look for the reason
Focus on facts
Set a boundary
Talk privately
Keep records
Ask for help if needed
Further reading
- Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg)
- The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman)
- Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Confidence at Work”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Ask for Help Without ShameNext: Stop Being the Office Pushover →
- Prepare Your Three Stories
- Answer "Tell Me About Yourself" Well
- Handle the Question You Fear
- Ask Great Questions Back
- Talk About Your Strengths Without Bragging
- Recover From a Bad Answer
- Follow Up With a Winning Note
- Speak in the First Ten Minutes
- Prepare One Point Before Every Meeting
- Disagree With a Colleague Kindly
- Handle Being Interrupted
- Share Credit and Claim Yours
- Speak Up in a Big Group
- Look Confident in Video Meetings
- Ask for Feedback Regularly
- Receive Criticism Without Crumbling
- Ask for a Raise With Evidence
- Share Ideas Without Fear
- Say No to Extra Work Politely
- Report Problems Early
- Show Your Value Every Month
- Introduce Yourself in a New Team
- Make Friends at Work
- Ask for Help Without Shame
- Handle a Difficult Colleague
- Stop Being the Office Pushover
- Celebrate Others and Be Celebrated
- Build Your Reputation Quietly
- Take on a Stretch Project
- Overcome Impostor Syndrome
- Lead Without a Title
- Give Your First Presentation
- Mentor Someone Newer
- Handle a Mistake at Work
- Set a Career Goal You Believe In
- Learn One New Skill Every Quarter
- Network Without Feeling Fake
- Say Yes to Opportunities That Scare You
- Protect Your Energy and Balance
- Your Confidence at Work Plan
