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Confidence / Confidence at Work / Lesson 24
LESSON 24 · CONFIDENCE AT WORK

Ask for Help Without Shame

Thirty-two easy ways to ask for help at work without shame, so you save time and build trust.

Smart people ask. Asking is a skill.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg), The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman), Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Ask for help without shame
TIP 1

Ask for help without shame

Asking for help is a professional skill. Most colleagues enjoy being asked, and you finish faster with fewer errors. Clear requests that show you tried first earn respect rather than judgement. Research by Vanessa Bohns suggests people underestimate how willing others are to help.

TRY THIS
Ask one colleague for specific help today, with a clear request and a thank-you.
Photo for the tip: Try first
TIP 2

Try first

Show effort.

TRY THIS
Do it.
Photo for the tip: Define the problem
TIP 3

Define the problem

Clear.

TRY THIS
Write.
Photo for the tip: State what you tried
TIP 4

State what you tried

Brief.

TRY THIS
Add.
Photo for the tip: State what you need
TIP 5

State what you need

Specific.

TRY THIS
Add.
Photo for the tip: Ask the right person
TIP 6

Ask the right person

Expert.

TRY THIS
Choose.
Photo for the tip: Ask at a good time
TIP 7

Ask at a good time

Not rushed.

TRY THIS
Check.
Photo for the tip: Offer a time frame
TIP 8

Offer a time frame

“Ten minutes.”

TRY THIS
Add.
Photo for the tip: Share what you learned
TIP 9

Share what you learned

Pay forward.

TRY THIS
Tell.
Photo for the tip: Offer help back
TIP 10

Offer help back

Reciprocity.

TRY THIS
Offer.
Photo for the tip: Avoid vague asks
TIP 11

Avoid vague asks

“Can you help?”

TRY THIS
Be specific.
Photo for the tip: Avoid last-minute asks
TIP 12

Avoid last-minute asks

Plan.

TRY THIS
Ask early.
Photo for the tip: Avoid over-apologising
TIP 13

Avoid over-apologising

Once.

TRY THIS
Trim.
Photo for the tip: Avoid comparing
TIP 14

Avoid comparing

Everyone asks.

TRY THIS
Relax.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a tech problem
TIP 15

Scene: a tech problem

“Could you show me how…?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a deadline
TIP 16

Scene: a deadline

“Could you review by noon?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: an unclear task
TIP 17

Scene: an unclear task

“Could you clarify X?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: workload
TIP 18

Scene: workload

“Could we share?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a new tool
TIP 19

Scene: a new tool

“Who knows this best?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a difficult client
TIP 20

Scene: a difficult client

“Could I get your view?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: a mistake
TIP 21

Scene: a mistake

“Could you help me fix it?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: career advice
TIP 22

Scene: career advice

“Could we chat?”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: personal struggle
TIP 23

Scene: personal struggle

“I need some support.”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: leadership
TIP 24

Scene: leadership

“I’d value your perspective.”

TRY THIS
Ask.
Photo for the tip: Scene: remote help
TIP 25

Scene: remote help

Use chat or call.

TRY THIS
Choose.
Photo for the tip: Scene: busy colleague
TIP 26

Scene: busy colleague

Offer to wait.

TRY THIS
Be flexible.
Photo for the tip: Scene: refused
TIP 27

Scene: refused

Thank and ask others.

TRY THIS
Move on.
Photo for the tip: Scene: accepted
TIP 28

Scene: accepted

Be efficient.

TRY THIS
Prepare.
Photo for the tip: Reframe asking
TIP 29

Reframe asking

Gives others a chance to contribute.

TRY THIS
Remember.
Photo for the tip: Reframe weakness
TIP 30

Reframe weakness

Strength.

TRY THIS
Say it.
Photo for the tip: Normalise
TIP 31

Normalise

Everyone does.

TRY THIS
Observe.
Photo for the tip: Create norms
TIP 32

Create norms

Team help.

TRY THIS
Suggest.
Photo for the tip: Document answers
TIP 33

Document answers

For later.

TRY THIS
Note.
Photo for the tip: Share solutions
TIP 34

Share solutions

Team wiki.

TRY THIS
Post.
Photo for the tip: Thank publicly
TIP 35

Thank publicly

Praise.

TRY THIS
Mention.
Photo for the tip: Practise small
TIP 36

Practise small

Build up.

TRY THIS
Ask once today.
Photo for the tip: Be patient
TIP 37

Be patient

Comfort grows.

TRY THIS
Keep going.
Photo for the tip: Seek help
TIP 38

Seek help

Coach.

TRY THIS
Consider it.
Photo for the tip: Celebrate
TIP 39

Celebrate

You asked.

TRY THIS
Mark it.
Photo for the tip: Close with openness
TIP 40

Close with openness

Say, “Asking is professional.”

TRY THIS
Write it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

ASK

“Could you help me with this?”

SPECIFY

“I am stuck on the second step.”

SHOW

“Here is what I have tried.”

TIME

“Do you have ten minutes today?”

THANK

“Thank you, that helped a lot.”

CLOSE

“I will let you know how it goes.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Try first
DAY 2
Name the problem
DAY 3
Show what you tried
DAY 4
Ask a clear question
DAY 5
Pick a good time
DAY 6
Say thanks
DAY 7
Share the result

Further reading

  • Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg)
  • The Confidence Code (Katty Kay and Claire Shipman)
  • Never Split the Difference (Chris Voss)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

← All Confidence at Work lessons
Next lesson: Handle a Difficult Colleague →

More lessons in “Confidence at Work”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Make Friends at WorkNext: Handle a Difficult Colleague →

  1. Prepare Your Three Stories
  2. Answer "Tell Me About Yourself" Well
  3. Handle the Question You Fear
  4. Ask Great Questions Back
  5. Talk About Your Strengths Without Bragging
  6. Recover From a Bad Answer
  7. Follow Up With a Winning Note
  8. Speak in the First Ten Minutes
  9. Prepare One Point Before Every Meeting
  10. Disagree With a Colleague Kindly
  11. Handle Being Interrupted
  12. Share Credit and Claim Yours
  13. Speak Up in a Big Group
  14. Look Confident in Video Meetings
  15. Ask for Feedback Regularly
  16. Receive Criticism Without Crumbling
  17. Ask for a Raise With Evidence
  18. Share Ideas Without Fear
  19. Say No to Extra Work Politely
  20. Report Problems Early
  21. Show Your Value Every Month
  22. Introduce Yourself in a New Team
  23. Make Friends at Work
  24. Ask for Help Without Shame
  25. Handle a Difficult Colleague
  26. Stop Being the Office Pushover
  27. Celebrate Others and Be Celebrated
  28. Build Your Reputation Quietly
  29. Take on a Stretch Project
  30. Overcome Impostor Syndrome
  31. Lead Without a Title
  32. Give Your First Presentation
  33. Mentor Someone Newer
  34. Handle a Mistake at Work
  35. Set a Career Goal You Believe In
  36. Learn One New Skill Every Quarter
  37. Network Without Feeling Fake
  38. Say Yes to Opportunities That Scare You
  39. Protect Your Energy and Balance
  40. Your Confidence at Work Plan
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