Quiet the Voice in Your Head
Twenty ways to quiet the busy mind, from worry windows and kind self-talk to writing, walking and one small step.
Notice, then choose. You are the sky, and thoughts are the clouds.
20 tips that really help
These ideas come from Mindset (Carol Dweck), Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff), Chatter (Ethan Kross), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Tell thinking apart from overthinking
Thinking solves a problem and then stops. Overthinking goes round and round without an answer. A good test is to ask, Am I finding a next step, or am I replaying the same worry? If it is the second, you are overthinking.
For one day, catch yourself in a thought loop. Ask, Is this thinking or overthinking? Write down which one. Count how many loops you spot.
Give your worries a daily appointment
Pick a fifteen-minute window each day when you are allowed to worry. Sit with a notebook and think about everything that bothers you. When worries pop up at other times, say, Not now. I will think about you at five o’clock.
Choose a time and a quiet spot for your worry window. Keep a small notepad nearby for the day. Try it for one week.
Talk to yourself like a friend, and use your name
When your inner voice turns harsh, change how you speak to yourself. Use your own name and ask, What would I say to a friend in this situation? Say it in the third person, like, Sam, you did your best.
The next time your inner voice is harsh, say your name and give advice as you would to a close friend. Do it aloud or in your head.
Give your mind a new job
A busy brain stops circling when it has something else to do. When you feel stuck in a loop, switch to a task that needs your attention, like a puzzle, a recipe or a tidy-up.
Make a list of five activities that absorb you, like cooking, drawing, a game or walking. Keep it on your phone. Use one the next time your mind spins.
Write the whole story, then close the book
When a worry will not leave, write about it for fifteen minutes. Describe what happened and what you feel, without worrying about grammar or neatness. Do it for three or four days in a row.
Set a timer for fifteen minutes. Write freely about something that is on your mind, for four days in a row. Keep the pages private or throw them away.
Change why into what next
When you catch yourself asking why, why did this happen, why am I like this, try changing the question to a how or a what. What is one small step I can take? How can I handle this better next time?
Write down a question that you often ask yourself that begins with Why. Rewrite it so that it starts with How or What.
Turn off the news before bed
Bad news and endless scrolling feed an overthinking mind. At least one hour before bed, put away your phone, close the news and let your mind wind down. Read a book, listen to calm music or talk with someone close.
Choose a time in the evening to put your phone away. Place it where you cannot reach it from the bed. Fill the time with something gentle.
Stop mind reading
Overthinking often sounds like, She did not reply, so she must be angry with me. This is called mind reading, and it is rarely right. When you catch it, ask, What else could be true? List two or three kinder reasons.
The next time you catch mind reading, write down three other explanations. Choose the kindest one that is also likely. If it matters, ask the person directly.
Answer what if with even if
Overthinking loves what if. What if I fail? What if they laugh? What if I cannot cope? Answer each one with even if. Even if I fail, I will learn and try again. Then add one thing you would do.
Write down your top three what ifs. Under each one, write an even if, and one action you would take. Read them once, then put them away.
Say, I am having the thought that
When a harsh thought arrives, add a few words in front of it. I am having the thought that I will fail. Then add, And that is just a thought. The words create a little gap between you and the thought.
For one day, notice a worrying thought and put I am having the thought that in front of it. Say it in your head. Notice how it changes the feeling.
Aim for good enough
Do you spend hours choosing between small options? Try aiming for good enough. Decide what you need, pick the first option that meets it and move on. Save your effort for big decisions.
Pick one small decision today and set your own good-enough rules before you start. Stop at the first option that fits. Notice how it feels.
Set a decision deadline
Give each decision a time limit. For small ones, ten minutes. For medium ones, a day. For big ones, a week. Gather facts, ask one or two people and then decide. Write the date in your diary.
Think of a decision you have put off. Write down a deadline and the steps you will take before it. Tell someone you trust.
Close the post-event review
After a talk, a party or a meeting, your mind may replay everything you said. Allow yourself five minutes to review kindly, then close the review. Ask, What went well? What is one thing to try next time? Then do something else.
After your next event, spend five minutes with the two questions. Set a timer. When it rings, stop and do something pleasant.
Come back to your senses
When your thoughts race, use your five senses to come back to now. Notice five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell and one you taste. Do it slowly.
Try the senses exercise three times this week, when you feel your mind race. Spend one minute each time. Notice which sense helps you most.
Park tomorrow on paper before bed
If your mind fills with tomorrow’s tasks as you lie down, take five minutes before bed to write a list. Include everything you need to do tomorrow and the days after. Close the notebook.
Tonight, write a to-do list for tomorrow for five minutes before bed. List tasks only, no worries. Leave the list where you will see it in the morning.
Share a worry, then look for a plan
Talking with a friend can help, especially when you are stuck. Share your worry once, and then ask, What can I do about this? Look for a next step together. Do not repeat the same worry again and again.
The next time you talk about a worry, set a limit of ten minutes. Then ask the plan question together. Write down the next step.
Let thoughts pass like weather
Imagine that your thoughts are weather. Some days it is sunny, some days it is stormy, and all of it passes. You are the sky, and the thoughts are clouds that move across. You do not have to chase or fight them.
Take three minutes to sit quietly and watch your thoughts like clouds. Say, Cloud, as each thought comes. Do not follow them.
Find your triggers
Notice when overthinking tends to strike. Is it late at night, after a meeting, when you are hungry or when you are alone? Keep a small note for one week. Once you see the pattern, you can plan for it.
For one week, write down each time you overthink. Note the time, the place and what came before. At the end, look for patterns and make one plan.
Do one small thing right now
When you are stuck in your head, take the smallest action that moves you forward. Send one message, put one plate in the sink, write one sentence. Do it now, without waiting to feel ready. Action pulls you out of the loop.
Pick one thing you have been thinking about. Choose the smallest first step and do it in the next five minutes. Notice how your mind feels afterward.
Be patient with your busy mind
A busy mind is not a flaw. It is a mind that cares and that wants to keep you safe. Thank it, and then guide it gently. You may say, Thank you for trying to protect me. I have got this.
At the end of today, think of one time you noticed overthinking. Thank yourself for noticing. Write down one small win.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday moments.
“I am having the thought that I will fail.”
“What would I say to a friend?”
“What is one small step I can take?”
“Even if it goes wrong, I can cope.”
“Not now. I will think about it at five.”
“Thank you, busy mind. I have got this.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Spot one thought loop
Hold a fifteen-minute worry window
Write for ten minutes
Turn one why into what next
Walk with your senses open
Write tomorrow’s list before bed
Take one small action right now
Further reading
- Mindset (Carol Dweck)
- Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff)
- Chatter (Ethan Kross)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Confidence”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Bounce Back From Every NoNext: Say No Kindly, Say Yes Boldly →
