Turn Nerves Into Calm Power
Twenty calm tools for racing hearts and shaky hands, from long out-breaths to kind words, so nerves become energy you can use.
Breathe out slowly. Nerves and excitement are close neighbours.
20 tips that really help
These ideas come from Mindset (Carol Dweck), Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff), Chatter (Ethan Kross), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Say, I am excited, out loud
Nerves and excitement feel almost the same in the body. The heart beats fast, the hands tingle and the stomach flutters. So when you feel nervous, try saying out loud, I am excited.
Before your next nervous moment, say, I am excited, aloud or under your breath. Say it three times and add a small smile. Then notice how the feeling changes.
Make your out-breath longer
When you feel nervous, breathe in through your nose for about four counts, and then breathe out slowly through your mouth for about six. The longer out-breath is the key. Do it five times.
Practise the four-in, six-out breath for two minutes today, when you are calm. Then use it the next time you feel tense. Count slowly in your head.
Try the double sigh
Here is a quick trick. Take one breath in through the nose. Then, before you breathe out, take a small second sip of air. Then let it all go in one long sigh. Do this two or three times.
Try the double sigh three times, right now. Notice what happens in your shoulders and your face. Then use it once before a nervous moment this week.
Name the feeling
When a big wave of nerves comes, try naming it. I am feeling nervous. Or, This is anxiety. Say it quietly to yourself, in a calm voice, as if you are a friendly reporter.
Next time you feel nervous, finish this sentence aloud or in your head, I notice that I feel… Be as precise as you can.
Write your worries down first
Ten minutes before a big moment, take a piece of paper and write down every worry you have. Do not edit. Just let them all out. Then fold the paper and put it away.
Before your next nervous event, set a timer for five or ten minutes. Write every worry you have, without stopping. Then close the notebook and take a slow breath.
Take a walk in a green place
If you can, walk for twenty to thirty minutes in a park or among trees before a stressful event. Walk slowly and look around. Notice the leaves, the sky and the sound of birds.
This week, take one slow walk in a green place before something that makes you nervous. Leave your phone in your pocket.
Protect your sleep the night before
It is tempting to stay up late, going over your plans. Try to protect your sleep instead. Set a time to stop preparing, dim the lights and give yourself a calm hour before bed. A rested brain is a calmer brain.
Before your next big day, set a bedtime alarm one hour before you want to sleep. Switch off screens and do something gentle. Keep your notes for the morning.
Go easy on coffee when you are nervous
Caffeine gives you a lift, but it can also make your heart race and your hands shake. These are the same signs as nerves. On a big day, think about having a smaller cup or switching to water or tea.
Notice how your body feels after caffeine for the next few days. On a nervous day, try halving your usual amount. Drink a glass of water alongside.
Draw the worst, likely and best map
When you are afraid of an event, draw three boxes on a page. In the first, write the worst thing that could happen. In the second, write the most likely thing. In the third, write the best.
Take a sheet of paper and draw the three boxes for your next worry. Write one short plan under each. Read the page once and then put it away.
Ask, will this matter in five years?
When a moment feels huge, ask yourself, Will this matter in ten minutes? In ten months? In ten years? Most things that make us nervous are not that big in the long run.
Pick one thing that worries you this week. Write the three answers, ten minutes, ten months and ten years. Read them aloud before the event.
Practise out loud, not only in your head
Many people prepare in their heads and then freeze when they hear their own voice. Practise out loud, standing up, as if you were there. Do it once or twice in the room or in the car.
Choose the first thirty seconds of your next big moment. Say them aloud three times, standing up. Record yourself once and listen with kindness.
Plan your first sentence
The first thirty seconds feel the hardest. After that, most people settle. So write your first sentence and learn it by heart. Make it simple and warm, like, Thank you for having me. I am glad to be here.
Write the opening sentence of your next talk or meeting. Say it five times aloud until it is smooth. Add a gentle pause after it.
Feel your feet on the floor
When you feel dizzy with nerves, bring your attention down to your feet. Feel the floor under your shoes and press your toes gently into it.
Try this grounding exercise for one minute today. Name five things you see, four you can touch and three you hear. Then use it before a nervous moment.
Let the shake happen
Your hands may tremble or your voice may wobble. Instead of fighting it, you can say, That is okay, my body is just full of energy. Let it be there while you carry on with what matters.
Next time you feel a shake or flutter, say to yourself, I can feel this and still do my task. Place a hand on your chest if it helps.
Start with a smaller scary thing
If the big event feels too much, begin with a smaller step in the same direction. Practise on one friend before a whole group. Speak up for one minute before a longer talk. Then move up, one rung at a time.
Write a five-rung ladder for your fear, from very easy to hard. Do the first rung this week. Cross it off and enjoy it.
Borrow calm from a friend
Before a nervous moment, send a short message to a friend you trust. Tell me I can do this, or, Wish me luck. Or call them and talk about something light for a few minutes. Calm is catching, and so is kindness.
Choose one person to be your calm friend for big moments. Tell them that you may ask for a quick boost. Send a short message before your next nervous event.
Make the moment about them
When you are the centre of attention, you feel exposed. Shift the focus by thinking about the people you are speaking to, and what they need. Ask yourself, How can I help them? What would make their day easier?
Before your next talk or meeting, write one sentence, What do these people need from me? Keep it in front of you. Start with that need, not with yourself.
Smile gently and drop your shoulders
A small, soft smile and relaxed shoulders can change how you feel. Let your jaw loosen and let your hands rest. Check your body from head to toe and soften any tight spot.
Three times a day, check your jaw, your shoulders and your hands. Soften each one with a slow breath. Do it once right before your next nervous moment.
Celebrate that you showed up
After a nervous moment, give yourself a tiny celebration. Say, Well done, or smile, or enjoy a favourite treat. It does not matter how it went. You showed up, and that is the brave part.
After your next brave moment, celebrate right away with a smile, a word or a small treat. Say, I did it. Make the celebration yours.
Keep one lesson, then let it go
After the event, ask yourself two questions. What went well? What is one thing I will try differently next time? Write down your answers in two short lines. Then close the notebook and let the rest go.
After your next event, write two lines, one thing that went well and one thing to try. Keep them in a small notebook.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday moments.
“I am excited.”
“This is nervousness, and it will pass.”
“Feet on the floor. I am here.”
“Even if it goes wrong, I can cope.”
“I have prepared, and I am ready.”
“I did it. Well done.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Try four counts in and six counts out
Name one feeling out loud
Write your worries down for five minutes
Take a slow walk among trees
Say your first sentence aloud
Do one small scary thing
Celebrate one brave moment
Further reading
- Mindset (Carol Dweck)
- Self-Compassion (Kristin Neff)
- Chatter (Ethan Kross)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
