Keep Time for Each Other With Kids
Forty easy tips to keep time for each other with kids, so you stay partners as well as parents.
Couple first sometimes. Small time counts.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman), And Baby Makes Three (John and Julie Gottman), Fair Play (Eve Rodsky), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Couples drift when kids come
Child care eats all time and energy. A little protected time keeps your bond alive.
Protect it.
Schedule couple time
Put it in the calendar. Even thirty minutes counts.
Schedule it.
Use bedtime and nap time
When children sleep, spend ten minutes together with no phones. Small slots matter.
Use bedtime.
Ask for childcare help
Family, friends or babysitters can give you a date night. Ask in advance.
Ask one.
Do small daily rituals
A kiss at the door, a cup of tea together or a hug in the kitchen keeps love visible.
Add a ritual.
Keep dating
A monthly date night reminds you who you are as a couple. Keep it simple.
Plan one.
Talk about more than children
Share dreams, jokes and news about each other. You are more than parents.
Talk about you.
Create at-home dates
After bedtime, cook a nice meal, play a game or watch a film. Home dates are easy.
Plan one.
Make eye contact and listen
Even in a short chat, give full attention. Presence matters more than length.
Look at them.
Support each other’s rest
Protect each other’s sleep and breaks. Rest keeps kindness.
Offer rest.
Explain to children kindly
Say, mum and dad are having a little time together. Children learn healthy love.
Explain gently.
Example: the ten minutes
After the kids’ bedtime, Zoe and Sam sit with tea for ten minutes without phones. It anchors them.
Try ten.
Example: the babysitter
They hired a sitter once a month for a dinner. It refreshed their love.
Book a sitter.
Example: the home date
They swapped restaurant dates for a cosy home dinner with candles after bedtime. It felt lovely.
Plan a home date.
Script: inviting
Shall we sit together for ten minutes after the kids are in bed? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking help
Could you watch the children on Saturday so we can have a date? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: connecting
How are you really doing, beyond the daily tasks? Say it gently.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for making time for us. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: cancelling couple time for tasks every week
Tasks never end, so protect time for love.
Protect it.
Mistake: talking only about logistics when you do get time
Add dreams and affection, so share more than chores.
Share more.
Mistake: feeling guilty for needing couple time
Strong couples make strong families, so stay confident.
Release guilt.
Troubleshoot: when you have no childcare
Swap babysitting with friends or plan short at-home moments. Be creative.
Swap care.
Troubleshoot: when you are too tired
Choose a gentle activity such as a hug and tea. Rest and love can mix.
Go gentle.
Troubleshoot: when children interrupt
Use a code word and a short wait. Teach children to respect couple time.
Teach kindly.
Book idea: protect the couple at the centre
Family therapists note that strong couples are the foundation of strong families, so protecting couple time is good for the children too.
Protect your time.
Book idea: tiny moments count
John Gottman’s research shows that small moments of attention, like a kiss or a few kind words, keep couples close even in busy parenting years.
Aim for tiny moments.
Myth: couple time is selfish when you have children
Happy parents make happier homes, and children benefit from seeing a loving relationship.
Value your time.
Myth: you need long dates to stay close
Short, regular moments protect closeness better than rare long outings.
Start small.
Story: Hana and Leo’s bedtime coffee
Hana and Leo shared a coffee after the children were asleep, with phones away, and said those twenty minutes saved their relationship.
Set a post-bedtime ritual.
Story: Tom and Beth trade babysitting
Tom and Beth swapped childcare with friends so each couple could have a date, and it cost nothing.
Arrange a swap.
Quick win: hug for twenty seconds when you reunite at the end of the day
A long hug releases stress hormones and bonds you.
Do it daily.
Mini habit: send a loving message to your partner every day
Small texts keep a warm thread through busy days.
Start now.
Journal: which moments of closeness do I miss most these days?
Naming them shows what to protect and rebuild when life is busy.
Write three.
Journal: what small daily ritual could we keep as a couple?
Choosing one simple ritual, like tea after bedtime, makes closeness reachable.
Write it.
Challenge: schedule an adults-only outing or evening every two weeks
A fixed plan makes it far more likely to happen and tells each other you matter.
Book the first one.
Challenge: create a daily ten-minute talk time without the children
Short regular talks protect connection and keep you feeling like partners and not just parents.
Set a time.
Green flag: your children see you laughing and hugging each other
Visible affection teaches children what a safe and loving relationship looks like.
Enjoy it.
Red flag: all your talk is about children and logistics
Add talk about yourselves, your dreams and your day to keep the romance alive.
Plan a topic.
Mini habit: send your partner a loving message every day
A small text keeps a warm thread through even the busiest days.
Start now.
Say this: let us make time for us this week, even if it is small
Warm and practical words that make a small plan feel like a gift.
Use it tonight.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“Let us have ten minutes together.”
“We have a date on Friday.”
“Could grandma watch the kids?”
“How are you really?”
“Let us hug for a bit.”
“I love you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Schedule couple time
Use nap or bed time
Ask for help with childcare
Do small rituals
Keep dating
Talk about more than kids
Review
Further reading
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman)
- And Baby Makes Three (John and Julie Gottman)
- Fair Play (Eve Rodsky)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Living Together, Marriage and Parenting”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
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- Know When You Are Ready to Move In
- Talk About Rules Before You Move In
- Share Space and Stuff Kindly
- Keep Some Space for Yourself
- Talk About Marriage Early
- Ask the Big Questions Before Marriage
- Plan a Wedding Without Stress
- Keep Love Alive After the Wedding
- Make Decisions Together
- Plan Money Goals as a Couple
- Keep Weekly Couple Meetings
- Protect Your Love From Daily Stress
- Prepare Your Relationship for a Baby
- Share Parenting Fairly
- Keep Time for Each Other With Kids
- Disagree About Parenting Calmly
- Keep Growing as Individuals
- Renew Your Vows Every Year
- Handle Midlife and Big Changes
- Build a Love That Lasts
