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Confidence / Handling Rejection / Lesson 37
LESSON 37 · HANDLING REJECTION

Stay Kind When You Reject Others

Thirty-two ways to stay kind when you reject others, because you will be on the other side of a no too.

Say no the way you hope to hear it. Clear and kind can go together.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan
Start with tip 1
Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang), Grit (Angela Duckworth), The Obstacle Is the Way (Ryan Holiday), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Stay kind when you reject others
TIP 1

Stay kind when you reject others

Everyone says no sometimes: to a job applicant, a date, a friend, a vendor. The way you do it shows your character and leaves a lasting impression. Kindness costs little and is remembered for a long time.

TRY THIS
Recall the last no you gave and how it felt for them.
Photo for the tip: Remember how it feels
TIP 2

Remember how it feels

You know what it is like to receive a no. Use that memory to guide your words.

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Recall your own last no.
Photo for the tip: Be clear
TIP 3

Be clear

Vague answers cause stress. A clear, kind no lets people move on.

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Say it plainly.
Photo for the tip: Be prompt
TIP 4

Be prompt

Do not leave people waiting. A timely no is a kindness.

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Reply within days.
Photo for the tip: Be brief
TIP 5

Be brief

Short and warm is best. Long explanations can sound defensive.

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Use three sentences.
Photo for the tip: Say thank you
TIP 6

Say thank you

Thank them for asking, applying or inviting you.

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Start with thanks.
Photo for the tip: Avoid false hope
TIP 7

Avoid false hope

Do not say “maybe later” if you mean no. Honest clarity is kinder in the long run.

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Be honest.
Photo for the tip: Avoid blame
TIP 8

Avoid blame

Use “I” statements: “I don’t think it’s the right fit for me.”

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Rewrite.
Photo for the tip: Avoid over-explaining
TIP 9

Avoid over-explaining

You do not owe long reasons. A short, true reason is enough.

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Keep it simple.
Photo for the tip: Avoid humiliating
TIP 10

Avoid humiliating

Never mock, shame or share the person’s request publicly.

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Be private.
Photo for the tip: Avoid ghosting
TIP 11

Avoid ghosting

Silence leaves people confused. A quick note is better.

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Send a reply.
Photo for the tip: Offer a useful pointer
TIP 12

Offer a useful pointer

If you can, suggest another route: a person, a resource or a tip.

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Add one.
Photo for the tip: Offer feedback only if wanted
TIP 13

Offer feedback only if wanted

Ask, “Would feedback be helpful?” Do not impose it.

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Ask first.
Photo for the tip: Be specific about the thing, not the person
TIP 14

Be specific about the thing, not the person

Talk about the application or the situation, not their worth.

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Focus on facts.
Photo for the tip: Wish them well
TIP 15

Wish them well

End with a sincere good wish.

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Add it.
Photo for the tip: Use their name
TIP 16

Use their name

Personal touches show care.

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Check spelling.
Photo for the tip: Pick the right channel
TIP 17

Pick the right channel

A call for a serious matter, a message for a light one.

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Match the weight.
Photo for the tip: Choose the right time
TIP 18

Choose the right time

Avoid bad timing: late at night or in public.

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Pick calm.
Photo for the tip: Keep your tone warm
TIP 19

Keep your tone warm

Warm voice and face matter.

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Smile.
Photo for the tip: Hold firm gently
TIP 20

Hold firm gently

If they push, repeat your answer calmly.

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Stay polite.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline an invitation
TIP 21

Scene: you decline an invitation

“Thank you so much for thinking of me, I can’t make it. Have a wonderful time.”

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Practise it.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you reject a job candidate
TIP 22

Scene: you reject a job candidate

“Thank you for your time and effort. We’ve decided to move forward with another candidate. We wish you success.”

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Be timely.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline a date
TIP 23

Scene: you decline a date

“I enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t feel a romantic match. I wish you the best.”

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Be kind.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline a request for help
TIP 24

Scene: you decline a request for help

“I wish I could help, but I can’t take this on right now.”

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Be clear.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline a vendor
TIP 25

Scene: you decline a vendor

“Thanks for the proposal. We’re going another way.”

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Be professional.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you say no to a friend
TIP 26

Scene: you say no to a friend

“I can’t this time, but I’d love to catch up soon.”

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Offer an alternative if true.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline to lend money
TIP 27

Scene: you decline to lend money

“I’m not able to, I hope you find another solution.”

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Stay kind.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you say no to your child
TIP 28

Scene: you say no to your child

Be loving and firm. Explain simply.

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Stay calm.
Photo for the tip: Scene: you decline a manuscript or portfolio
TIP 29

Scene: you decline a manuscript or portfolio

Be encouraging and clear.

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Share a pointer.
Photo for the tip: Learn from your own rejections
TIP 30

Learn from your own rejections

Treat others as you wished to be treated.

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Remember.
Photo for the tip: Notice your discomfort
TIP 31

Notice your discomfort

It’s hard to say no. Breathe and be kind to yourself.

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Accept discomfort.
Photo for the tip: Don't over-apologise
TIP 32

Don't over-apologise

Apologies can confuse. Be kind, not sorry.

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Use thanks.
Photo for the tip: Don't invent excuses
TIP 33

Don't invent excuses

Honesty protects trust.

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Be real.
Photo for the tip: Don't delay out of fear
TIP 34

Don't delay out of fear

Delay increases pain.

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Act.
Photo for the tip: Respect their response
TIP 35

Respect their response

They may be disappointed. Give them space.

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Allow feelings.
Photo for the tip: Practise saying no
TIP 36

Practise saying no

Role-play with a friend.

TRY THIS
Rehearse.
Photo for the tip: Create templates
TIP 37

Create templates

Prepare kind responses for common requests.

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Write two.
Photo for the tip: Review your habits
TIP 38

Review your habits

Do you say yes to avoid conflict? Balance kindness with honesty.

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Reflect.
Photo for the tip: Model it for others
TIP 39

Model it for others

Teams and families copy leaders’ habits.

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Lead gently.
Photo for the tip: Close with grace
TIP 40

Close with grace

Say, “I’ll say no the way I’d want to hear it.”

TRY THIS
Write it.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.

THANK

“Thank you for thinking of me.”

DECLINE

“I have decided not to go ahead.”

EXPLAIN

“It was a close decision.”

WISH

“I wish you every success.”

OFFER

“I am happy to give feedback.”

CLOSE

“I appreciate your understanding.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Reply promptly
DAY 2
Be clear
DAY 3
Be kind
DAY 4
Be brief
DAY 5
Offer feedback if useful
DAY 6
Avoid false hope
DAY 7
Follow through

Further reading

  • Rejection Proof (Jia Jiang)
  • Grit (Angela Duckworth)
  • The Obstacle Is the Way (Ryan Holiday)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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Next lesson: Do Not Burn Bridges →

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “Handling Rejection”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

← Previous: Protect Your ConfidenceNext: Do Not Burn Bridges →

  1. Rejection Feels Like Physical Pain, Here Is Why
  2. It Is Information, Not an Insult
  3. Most Noes Are Not About You
  4. The Stories You Tell Yourself After a No
  5. Separate Who You Are From What Happened
  6. Why Everyone Gets Rejected
  7. The Cost of Never Asking
  8. Breathe Before You React
  9. Allow Five Minutes to Feel It
  10. Shake It Out and Reset
  11. Do Not Reply While Hurt
  12. Talk to a Friend, Not a Mirror
  13. Write the Facts, Not the Fear
  14. Take a Short Walk
  15. Ask What You Can Learn
  16. Request Feedback Without Fear
  17. Spot the Pattern Across Your Noes
  18. Fix One Thing at a Time
  19. Keep a Rejection Log
  20. Turn a No Into a Better Try
  21. Celebrate Asking, Not Just Winning
  22. Rejection After a Job Interview
  23. Rejection in Dating
  24. When a Friend Pulls Away
  25. Rejection of Your Ideas at Work
  26. Rejection of Your Creative Work
  27. When You Are Left Out
  28. Rejection by Someone You Love
  29. The Hundred-Noes Challenge
  30. Make Small Asks Every Day
  31. Ask for a Discount, Just to Practise
  32. Laugh When You Hear No
  33. Say Thank You After a No
  34. Ask Again in a New Way
  35. Stories of Famous People Who Heard No
  36. Protect Your Confidence
  37. Stay Kind When You Reject Others
  38. Do Not Burn Bridges
  39. Build Resilience Slowly
  40. Your Personal Rejection Plan
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