Talk to a Trusted Friend or Counsellor
Forty easy tips to talk to a trusted friend or counsellor, so you do not carry this alone.
Share the weight. Choose safe listeners.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Fix a Broken Heart (Guy Winch), Conscious Uncoupling (Katherine Woodward Thomas), Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
You do not have to carry this alone
Talking brings relief and clarity. Good listeners lighten heavy decisions.
Reach out.
Choose safe people
Pick someone kind, discreet and honest. Avoid people who gossip or judge.
Choose one.
Ask for their time
Say, could I talk to you about something important this week? Respect their schedule.
Ask kindly.
Say what kind of help you need
Say, I need you to listen, or, I would like advice. Clear needs help them help you.
Say it.
Share honestly
Tell the truth, including your fears. Honest talk gets better help.
Be honest.
Listen to views without obeying
Friends may hold strong opinions. Consider them, then choose for yourself.
Listen.
Consider a counsellor
A counsellor offers privacy, tools and no stakes. It is a wise investment.
Book one.
Find a counsellor who fits
Ask about their approach and experience. A good fit matters.
Ask three questions.
Prepare for sessions
Write goals and key events. Preparation uses time well.
Write goals.
Be open to new ideas
Counsellors may challenge your views gently. Growth needs openness.
Stay open.
Take notes and try tools
Write advice and practise it. Change happens between sessions.
Take notes.
Example: the walk and talk
Nina asked a friend for a walk and shared everything. She felt lighter.
Walk and talk.
Example: the counsellor
After one session, Joe said, I can finally think straight. He kept going.
Book a session.
Example: the notes
She wrote key points in a notebook and used them. They shaped her choices.
Take notes.
Script: asking a friend
Could I talk to you about something hard that is going on? Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: stating need
I would like you to listen, I do not need advice yet. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: starting therapy
I would like to talk about a difficult decision in my relationship. Say it calmly.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for being there for me. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: sharing only with people who will always agree
You may miss wise views, so include balanced voices.
Seek balance.
Mistake: telling many people the story
Too many opinions confuse, so choose two or three trusted ones.
Choose few.
Mistake: using friends to speak badly of your partner
It feeds anger, so focus on your needs.
Focus on you.
Troubleshoot: when you feel ashamed to share
Remember that many people go through this. Start with a small piece.
Start small.
Troubleshoot: when you cannot afford counselling
Look for low-cost clinics, community services and support groups. Free help exists.
Search help.
Troubleshoot: when friends take sides
Remind them you just need support, and set limits on discussion. Protect your peace.
Set limits.
Book idea: outside views bring clarity
Brené Brown writes that sharing our story with someone who has earned the right to hear it brings relief and perspective, so choose carefully who you tell.
Choose a trusted person.
Book idea: therapy as a tool
Guy Winch’s How to Fix a Broken Heart explains that talking through heartbreak with a supportive person or professional helps the mind recover and prevents rumination.
Consider a session.
Myth: you should handle it alone
Handling pain alone is possible, but support makes it lighter and shorter, and asking for it is brave.
Ask for help.
Myth: friends will always take sides
Wise friends can listen without judging, and you can ask them to listen only and not tell you what to do.
Ask for listening.
Story: Aisha calls her cousin
Aisha spoke to a calm cousin who asked questions instead of giving orders, and felt clearer and calmer within an hour.
Call a calm person.
Story: Marco books a counsellor
Marco booked an affordable counsellor through his workplace, and said having a neutral space to talk helped him see his patterns.
Look for low-cost help.
Journal: who in my life listens without judging?
Naming them helps you reach out when you need support.
Write three names.
Journal: what do I need from the person I talk to?
Being clear, such as I need to be heard, makes support work better.
Write it.
Challenge: reach out to one trusted person this week and say I need to talk
A short message opens the door to support.
Send it today.
Challenge: research one counsellor or helpline and save the details
Having help ready reduces stress in hard moments.
Do it now.
Green flag: the person you talk to listens and asks kind questions
Good listeners help you find your own answers.
Say thank you.
Red flag: someone gossips or pushes you to a quick decision
You deserve space to think, so choose confidants who respect that.
Pick wisely.
Quick win: write down three questions you want to think about before you talk
Preparing helps you use the time well.
Write them tonight.
Fun fact: talking about distress with others reduces its intensity
Psychology research shows that sharing emotions with supportive people lowers stress.
Share it.
Challenge: save the details of one counsellor or helpline so help is ready when you need it
Having support ready in advance makes it easier to reach out in a hard moment.
Do it today.
Journal: what do I most need from the person I choose to talk to?
Being clear, such as I need to be heard and not advised, makes support work far better.
Write it down.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“Could I talk to you about something hard?”
“Here is what is happening.”
“I need someone to listen.”
“What do you think?”
“Thank you for listening.”
“I feel lighter.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Choose a safe person
Ask for time
Say what you need
Share honestly
Listen to views
Thank them
Plan next steps
Further reading
- How to Fix a Broken Heart (Guy Winch)
- Conscious Uncoupling (Katherine Woodward Thomas)
- Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
More lessons in “Breakups, Healing and Starting Again”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Try to Fix It First, If It Is SafeNext: Plan the Conversation Kindly →
- Know When a Relationship Is Over
- Try to Fix It First, If It Is Safe
- Talk to a Trusted Friend or Counsellor
- Plan the Conversation Kindly
- Break Up Without Cruelty
- Say What Needs to Be Said
- Handle Mutual Friends and Shared Things
- No Contact or Friendship?
- Let Yourself Grieve
- Stop Checking Their Social Media
- Take Care of Your Body and Mind
- Lean on Friends and Family
- Learn What You Want Next Time
- Forgive and Let Go
- Rebuild Your Confidence
- Start New Habits and Goals
- Know When You Are Ready to Date Again
- Avoid Rebounds That Hurt
- Date Again With Hope
- Your Healing Plan
