Be Honest About Who You Are
Forty easy tips to be honest about who you are, so love grows on real ground.
Be real. Honest love is strong love.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller), The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown), Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why honesty matters
Hiding who you are builds a relationship on a mask. Real love needs the real you.
Share one real thing.
Know who you are first
Write your values, hobbies, fears and dreams. You cannot share what you have not noticed.
Write a page.
Be honest about small things
Say what you really like, such as food or films. Small honesty builds the habit for bigger truths.
Choose honestly once.
Share your history at a fitting time
Tell important past events when trust is growing. You do not need to share everything on a first date.
Plan what to share.
Be honest about your needs
Say what you need, such as space or reassurance. Hints cause confusion, clear words help.
Say one need.
Be honest about your limits
Tell people what you do not want or cannot do. Early honesty saves heartache.
Say one limit.
Do not exaggerate or invent
Small lies grow into big problems. Be modest and truthful about work, past and plans.
Check your story.
Share your quirks with humour
Everyone has odd habits. Sharing them with a smile makes you real and relatable.
Share a quirk.
Be kind when you are honest
Truth with care does not hurt more than needed. Use soft words and a warm tone.
Soften one sentence.
Listen to their truth too
Honesty goes both ways. Respond with kindness when they share something real.
Say thank you.
Accept that some people will not like the real you
That is fine and helpful. It helps you find those who do.
Stay yourself.
Example: the real profile
Ivy wrote that she loved quiet nights and silly jokes. She met a man who liked the same.
Write your truth.
Example: the early limit
Ken said on the second date that he wanted children one day. He felt relieved to be clear.
Share early.
Example: the honest worry
Lola told her partner she felt nervous about moving in. He listened and they made a plan.
Share a worry.
Script: sharing a need
I need a little time to think before I answer, and I will tell you soon. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: sharing a limit
I am not comfortable with that, and I would like to take it slowly. Say it calmly.
Use it.
Script: sharing the real you
I am a bit shy at first, but I warm up. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: thanking honesty
Thank you for telling me the truth, I appreciate it. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: pretending to like things you do not
It creates a false picture, so share your real taste.
Say one true like.
Mistake: sharing too much too soon
Pace your sharing as trust grows, so choose depth over speed.
Pause and pace.
Mistake: using honesty as a weapon
Truth should help, not hurt, so choose kind words.
Rewrite harsh words.
Troubleshoot: when you fear rejection if you are honest
Rejection of the real you is information, not a failure. Better to know early.
Remind yourself.
Troubleshoot: when you have hidden something
Tell the truth calmly and early, own your reasons and give them space to react.
Plan the talk.
Troubleshoot: when you do not know what is true for you
Write, walk or talk with a friend to find your answer before you speak.
Write for ten minutes.
Drill: write a one-page honest profile
Write who you are in plain words, then read it aloud and note how it feels.
Write it tonight.
Drill: practise one honest sentence daily
Say one honest, kind sentence each day for a week, such as I would prefer tea.
Start today.
Book idea: authenticity is a practice
Brené Brown calls it choosing to show up as you are, one choice at a time.
Make one honest choice.
Book idea: truth with kindness
Nonviolent Communication shows honest words can be gentle, using feelings and needs.
Use feeling and need.
Myth: showing the real you scares people away
The right people will feel relieved by honesty, and the wrong ones leave early.
Trust the filter.
Myth: you must share everything on date one
Honest does not mean sharing every detail, only never lying.
Share at your pace.
Story: Isla posts a real profile
Isla swapped glam pictures for ones she loved, and her matches matched her real life.
Update your photos.
Story: Tariq admits he is shy
Tariq said I am shy at first, and his date relaxed and said me too.
Say it with a smile.
Journal: where do I pretend?
Seeing where you hide helps you choose where to be real.
Write two places.
Journal: what would I share if I felt safe?
Your answer shows what you most want to be known for.
Write one truth.
Challenge: say one honest preference this week
Say no thanks to a plan you do not like, kindly and clearly.
Choose a small one.
Challenge: practise with a mirror
Say a true sentence about yourself aloud, and get used to your voice.
Do it tonight.
Green flag: they thank you for honesty
When honesty is welcomed, you have a safe partner.
Notice the response.
Red flag: they punish honesty
If truth leads to anger or silence, protect yourself and seek support.
Write what happened.
Say this: here is something about me
A gentle opening makes sharing easy and warm.
Say it with a calm voice.
Quick win: remove one exaggeration from your profile
Small truths build trust from the first message.
Edit it today.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“I tell the truth kindly.”
“Here is who I am.”
“I am not pretending.”
“I share even when it is hard.”
“I respect your truth too.”
“I am myself.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Write three true things about you
Share one real thing with a friend
Say no to one thing you dislike
Share one opinion
Show one quirk
Be honest about a limit
Write how it felt
Further reading
- Attached (Amir Levine and Rachel Heller)
- The Gifts of Imperfection (Brené Brown)
- Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Being Ready for Love”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Let Go of the Fear of Being HurtNext: Take Things Slowly and Kindly →
- You Are Already Worthy of Love
- Stop Waiting to Be Chosen
- Know What You Truly Want
- Drop the Fairy-Tale Pressure
- Learn From Your Last Relationship
- Forgive Yourself for Past Mistakes
- Understand Your Attachment Style
- Stop Repeating the Same Pattern
- Enjoy Your Own Company
- Build Friends and Hobbies You Love
- Be Happy Alone and Open to Love
- Stop Comparing Your Love Life
- Write Your Non-Negotiables
- Know Your Deal Breakers Kindly
- Pick Character Over Chemistry
- Learn the Signs of a Healthy Partner
- Let Go of the Fear of Being Hurt
- Be Honest About Who You Are
- Take Things Slowly and Kindly
- Your Ready-for-Love Plan
