Make Others Feel Important
Forty sincere ways to make others feel important, the habit Dale Carnegie called the deepest desire of human nature.
Everyone wants to matter. You can help them feel that in small ways.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), Quiet (Susan Cain), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
The deepest hunger
Dale Carnegie, drawing on the philosopher John Dewey, wrote that the deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important. Meeting that need kindly and honestly makes you wonderful company.
Look for one way to make someone feel valued today.
Mean it
Flattery is easy to spot and quickly forgotten, while real appreciation lasts. If you cannot say something true, say nothing, and look harder until you find something true.
Say only what you honestly feel.
Give full attention
Attention is the most precious thing you can give. Looking at someone and listening, with the phone away, makes them feel important in seconds.
Put your phone down and look at the person you are talking to.
Use their name
A name is personal. “Thanks, Priya, that really helped” lands warmer than “Thanks”.
Use someone’s name warmly today.
Ask for their opinion
“What do you think?” tells people their view matters. In a team meeting, asking the quietest person for their idea can change how they feel about the whole group.
Ask for someone’s view and truly listen to the answer.
Ask for a small favour
Benjamin Franklin noticed that people who do you a favour tend to like you more afterwards, an idea now called the Ben Franklin effect. Asking for a small bit of advice makes someone feel capable.
Ask a colleague for one small piece of advice.
Thank with detail
“Thank you for staying late, it let us finish before the deadline” is far more powerful than “Thanks”. Detail proves you noticed.
Give one specific thank-you today.
Give credit publicly
“This idea came from Priya” said in front of others is worth more than a private compliment. Public credit lifts a person’s standing.
Credit someone by name in your next meeting.
Celebrate their wins
Shelly Gable’s research on active constructive responding shows that meeting good news with real enthusiasm and questions strengthens relationships. “That is wonderful, tell me everything!” beats “Nice.”
Respond to the next good news with a big smile and a question.
Notice effort
“I can see how hard you worked on this” meets a need that results alone never meet. Effort is often invisible and appreciated when seen.
Name one effort you noticed today.
Notice small things
A new haircut, a plant on the desk, a quiet kindness. Noticing small things shows that you pay attention to the person, not just the task.
Mention one small thing you noticed.
Ask about their day, then listen
“How was your day?” followed by true listening is rare. Most people are rarely asked twice, and the second question shows real care.
Ask about someone’s day and ask one follow-up.
Include people
Invite someone into a chat or an event. Inclusion says “you belong here”, a message many people wait years to hear.
Invite someone to join your group at lunch.
Say "I value you"
Sometimes the direct words are best. “I value your help on this” is clear and kind, and rarely said enough.
Say it to someone who deserves it.
Show up
Attending someone’s event or visiting when they are ill makes them feel important. Presence speaks louder than any message.
Show up for one friend this week.
Respect their time
Arriving on time and keeping meetings short says that their time matters. Respect is a quiet form of making someone feel important.
Arrive on time for your next meeting.
Treat everyone alike
Treat the cleaner and the chief executive with the same warmth. It shows your character and makes everyone feel important.
Greet everyone with equal kindness.
Speak well of people
Say kind things about people when they are not there. It usually gets back to them and builds trust.
Praise a friend to others.
Write a note
A handwritten note stands out in a digital world. People keep them for years.
Write a short thank-you note.
Remember milestones
Birthdays, anniversaries and exam days matter to people. A message at the right time shows care.
Put three birthdays in your calendar.
Ask about their goals
Showing interest in someone’s goals tells them you believe in them. Encourage kindly and follow up later.
Ask, “How is your project going?”
Admit their expertise
“You know more about this than I do” gives respect and often leads to a great conversation. Let people teach you.
Ask someone to explain their specialty.
Correct privately
Correcting someone in front of others stings. Do it privately and kindly, and they will feel respected instead of embarrassed.
Hold corrections for a private moment.
Say yes to invitations
Accepting an invitation says, “Your event matters to me”. It makes people feel important.
Accept an invitation you have been postponing.
Listen without fixing
Sometimes people just need to be heard. Asking “Do you want advice or just a listener?” shows respect for what they need.
Ask the question before you advise.
Share the spotlight
When you are praised, credit others: “I had great help from the team.” It makes them feel important and makes you look gracious.
Say it the next time you are praised.
Use "we" kindly
“We did well” includes others and builds belonging. Use it when it is true.
Say “we” when it is accurate.
Make them comfortable
Offer a seat, a drink or a warm welcome. Physical comfort tells a guest that they matter.
Offer a guest something to drink.
Be curious about their background
Showing interest in someone’s culture or story with respect honours them. Ask kindly, and listen with an open mind.
Ask about a tradition you would like to learn about.
Support their dreams
Saying “I believe you can do it” to someone who is trying something new is a gift. Belief is often what keeps people going.
Encourage someone’s plan today.
Do not interrupt
Letting people finish shows respect. It tells them their words matter.
Let people finish their sentences today.
Smile when you see them
A smile says, “I am glad you are here”. It is simple and powerful, especially when you are tired.
Smile warmly as someone arrives.
Make eye contact
Looking at someone shows they matter. It is the heart of attention.
Keep warm eye contact during a chat.
Share credit in writing
Mentioning people in emails and reports makes appreciation lasting and visible.
Mention a helper in your next email.
Offer help without being asked
A small, unrequested help is a big compliment. It says, “I noticed you”.
Offer to carry something or help with a task.
Keep promises
Doing what you say makes people feel important. Reliability is respect.
Keep one small promise today.
Be patient
Waiting kindly for someone to find words tells them they matter. Patience is care.
Give someone time to speak.
Disagree kindly
You can disagree and still make someone feel valued: “I see it differently, and I value your view.” Tone and respect make the difference.
Use that sentence in your next disagreement.
Make someone's day
Little surprises, such as a note or a coffee, make people feel special. They cost little and are remembered.
Do one small surprise for someone.
Draw out the quiet ones
Quiet people are often overlooked in groups, yet they notice who includes them. A direct, warm invitation to speak can change how they feel about the whole room.
Turn to the quietest person and ask, “What is your take?”
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“You always make the team feel welcome.”
“Thank you, that really helped.”
“What do you think about this?”
“You handled that really well.”
“Would you like to join us?”
“I remembered you like green tea.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Say thank you with a reason
Ask for someone’s opinion
Include a quiet person
Remember a detail
Give a sincere compliment
Listen fully to one person
Praise someone publicly
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- Quiet (Susan Cain)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Social Confidence”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Smile First, Say Hello FirstNext: Laugh Easily at Yourself →
- Why Everyone Feels Awkward Sometimes
- The Spotlight Effect: Nobody Is Watching You That Much
- Shy, Introvert or Anxious? Know the Difference
- Where Social Fear Begins
- Stop Rehearsing Disasters in Your Head
- People Like You More Than You Think
- The Liking Gap Explained
- The Doorway Reset Before You Enter
- Arrive Early and Win the Room
- Find the Friendly Face First
- Join a Group Without Interrupting
- What to Do With a Drink and Your Hands
- Take a Wingman, Then Wander Alone
- Leave Gracefully When You Are Done
- Three Easy Openers for Any Event
- Ask Questions People Love to Answer
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Share a Little About Yourself
- Talk About Almost Anything for Two Minutes
- Compliments That Feel Genuine
- End a Chat Kindly and Move On
- Be Interested, Not Interesting
- Remember Names and Little Details
- Smile First, Say Hello First
- Make Others Feel Important
- Laugh Easily at Yourself
- The Warmth Habit That Wins People
- Listen Like It Is the Only Thing You Are Doing
- What to Say When Your Mind Goes Blank
- Recover From a Silly Mistake
- Handle Silence Without Panic
- Exit a Boring or Unpleasant Chat
- When You Forget Someone's Name
- Turn Awkwardness Into Humour
- Set a One-Event-a-Week Goal
- Say Yes to Invitations
- Host Something Small
- Practise in Low-Risk Places
- Reflect Kindly After Every Event
- Celebrate Each Social Win
