Compliments That Feel Genuine
Forty ways to give compliments that feel genuine, land warmly and make people glad you spoke.
A real compliment is a gift. A fake one is noise.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), Quiet (Susan Cain), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Genuine beats flashy
People can sense when a compliment is true. A simple, honest one beats a dramatic one.
Only say what you really think.
Be specific
“You explained that so clearly” lands better than “You are great”. Specific praise shows you really noticed.
Name exactly what you liked.
Praise the choice
Complimenting something someone chose, like their coat or idea, feels natural and safe. It says you notice their taste.
Say, “You chose a lovely colour.”
Praise effort
Carol Dweck’s research suggests that praising effort and strategy supports a growth mindset, while praising talent can make people fear failure. “I can see how much work went into that” is a gift.
Say, “I can see how hard you worked on this.”
Praise character
“You are such a kind person” touches something deeper than looks. Back it up with an example so it feels real.
Say, “The way you helped Anna was really kind.”
Praise a skill
Notice something someone is good at and say it. Skills are real and respected.
Say, “You are so good at making people laugh.”
Praise an idea
Telling someone that an idea was clever or useful makes them feel heard. It is a friendly work compliment.
Say, “That idea was really smart.”
Notice kindness to others
Notice small kindnesses and mention them. People love being seen as good.
Say, “I noticed how you made everyone feel welcome.”
Praise style kindly
Clothes and style are safe when you speak about the choice, not the body. Keep it light.
Say, “I love your scarf.”
Avoid comments on bodies
Comments about weight or shape can hurt, even when meant kindly. Praise things people chose or did.
Compliment actions, not bodies.
Say it with a smile
A warm face makes any compliment kinder. A flat tone can make it sound fake.
Smile as you speak.
Look them in the eye
Eye contact shows you mean it. Look at them while you say it.
Make eye contact for the whole sentence.
Keep it short
A short compliment is easier to receive. Say it and let it land.
Use one sentence.
Do not fish for a reply
Give the compliment freely. Do not wait for a thank-you or a compliment back.
Say it and move on.
Time it well
A compliment at the right moment, such as just after a good talk, feels sincere. Do not interrupt to give it.
Wait for a pause, then say it.
Know their preference
Some people love public praise, others prefer a private word. Think about which suits the person.
Choose the setting that suits them.
Say it quietly when needed
A quiet, private word can feel special, especially for shy people.
Take a moment to say it quietly.
Praise people behind their backs
Praise someone to others and it often gets back to them. It builds trust fast.
Say something kind about a friend in front of others.
Write a note
A short note of thanks or praise is remembered for years. Handwriting adds warmth.
Write a two-line note to someone.
Send a message
A text with a specific compliment brightens someone’s day. It takes thirty seconds.
Send a kind message to a friend today.
Compliment a colleague
A quick, honest word of praise builds a friendly workplace. Be specific and sincere.
Say, “Great job on the presentation, the examples really helped.”
Compliment a host
Praise for the host’s food or home is very welcome. It shows gratitude.
Say, “The meal was delicious, thank you.”
Compliment a stranger kindly
A small compliment to someone, like a shop assistant or a passer-by, can lift their day. Keep it respectful.
Say, “I love your sense of humour,” to a cashier.
Praise a child's effort
Praise a child’s effort and kindness, not just results. It helps them grow.
Say, “I love how you kept trying.”
Say what they gave you
“You made me feel welcome” tells them what they gave. It is a powerful kind of compliment.
Say, “You made my day easier.”
Receive compliments well
When someone praises you, say, “Thank you, that means a lot.” Do not argue or deflect.
Practise one gracious reply.
Say thank you first
If you return a compliment automatically, it can sound like a trade. Say thank you first, then add a separate, honest one later.
Say thank you and wait.
Thank quiet helpers
Quiet helpers are often overlooked. A compliment to them can mean a lot.
Thank someone who works quietly in the background.
Reassure the nervous
If someone is nervous about something, a gentle, sincere comment can steady them. Be kind, not pushy.
Say, “You are doing really well.”
Mind cultural differences
Some cultures prefer indirect praise. Listen and adapt.
Observe how others give and receive praise.
Avoid backhanded praise
“You look great for your age” is not a compliment. Keep praise clean and kind.
Check your compliment for hidden barbs.
Avoid comparing
“You are better than her” can hurt others. Praise them by themselves.
Say what is great about them, not who is worse.
Praise growth
“You have really improved” is encouraging. Growth praise motivates.
Say, “I can see how far you have come.”
Say thank you with detail
A detailed thank-you is a form of compliment. Say what you appreciated.
Say, “Thanks for staying late, it saved the day.”
Use praise to start chats
A compliment is a friendly opener. Follow it with a question.
Say, “I like your bag, where did you find it?”
Give one a day
Give one genuine compliment a day. The habit changes how you see people.
Give one compliment today and one tomorrow.
People underestimate how good compliments feel
Research on compliments by Erica Boothby and Vanessa Bohns found that people who give compliments think they will make the receiver feel awkward, while receivers actually feel happier than expected. Your fear is bigger than the reality.
Give the compliment you have been holding back.
Pass on a compliment you heard
If someone praised a person behind their back, tell that person. “Anna said you did a brilliant job” is a lovely gift.
Pass on one kind thing you heard about someone today.
Notice how they react
A smile or a lift of the head tells you it landed. Their joy is your reward.
Notice the reaction and enjoy it.
Compliments are free kindness
Every genuine compliment spreads goodness. It is a small gift that costs nothing and can be remembered for years.
Tell yourself you made someone’s day better.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“I really liked how you explained that.”
“That colour looks great on you.”
“I can tell you worked hard on this.”
“You are very kind to everyone here.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“Your laugh is contagious.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Notice one thing you like in someone
Say it kindly
Make it specific
Avoid looks only
Praise effort
Accept compliments yourself
Give three compliments this week
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- Quiet (Susan Cain)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Social Confidence”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Talk About Almost Anything for Two MinutesNext: End a Chat Kindly and Move On →
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- What to Do With a Drink and Your Hands
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- Three Easy Openers for Any Event
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- The Follow-Up Question Habit
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- Compliments That Feel Genuine
- End a Chat Kindly and Move On
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- Remember Names and Little Details
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- Make Others Feel Important
- Laugh Easily at Yourself
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- Recover From a Silly Mistake
- Handle Silence Without Panic
- Exit a Boring or Unpleasant Chat
- When You Forget Someone's Name
- Turn Awkwardness Into Humour
- Set a One-Event-a-Week Goal
- Say Yes to Invitations
- Host Something Small
- Practise in Low-Risk Places
- Reflect Kindly After Every Event
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