Three Easy Openers for Any Event
Forty easy conversation openers that work at any event, with a little science to explain why they work.
You only need a few good openers. Pick three and use them everywhere.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie), The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine), Quiet (Susan Cain), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Comment on the shared setting
The venue, the food or the weather is something you and a stranger both experience. A friendly comment gives them something to agree with.
Say, “This place is lovely, have you been here before?”
Ask how they know the host
Everyone at a party has a link to the host. The question is easy to answer, impossible to get wrong and often leads to a story.
Ask, “How do you know the host?”
Offer a genuine, specific compliment
A compliment about something someone chose, such as their bag or their idea, warms the chat at once. Specific praise sounds more real than general praise.
Say, “I love your jacket, where did you find it?”
Ask for a recommendation
People like being asked for advice. A question about food, a book or a place gives them a chance to share and you a chance to learn.
Ask, “What is the best thing on the table?”
Ask what brought them here
“What brought you here tonight?” invites a story, not a one-word reply, and gives you something to follow up.
Ask it at the start of your next chat.
Ask about their weekend plans
Weekend plans are friendly, forward-looking and positive. They also give you something to ask about the next time you meet.
Ask, “Doing anything nice this weekend?”
Try a warmer version of "What do you do?"
“What keeps you busy these days?” feels friendlier than a job-title question and lets people choose what to share.
Replace “What do you do?” with “What keeps you busy?”
Use a light shared observation
“Is it always this busy?” or “The music is great” invites a quick yes and starts a rhythm. Light observations feel safe for both of you.
Make one light comment about the setting.
Share first
A small detail about yourself, such as “I am new to the area”, makes it safe for the other person to share too. Reciprocity warms a chat quickly.
Say, “I am new to this group, any tips?”
Ask about the music
If music is playing, a question such as “Do you know this song?” starts light, friendly talk. Music taste reveals personality gently.
Ask, “What is the best concert you have been to?”
Ask about the food
Food is a universal topic that leads to stories about family, travel and culture. Everyone has a favourite dish.
Ask, “What is the best meal you have had lately?”
Use their name tag
If there are name tags, use them. “Nice to meet you, Jordan” shows you paid attention.
Say a name once and smile.
Notice an accessory
A pin, a book or a team scarf is often an invitation. People choose these items partly because they enjoy being asked.
Say, “I noticed your pin, what does it mean?”
Mention something positive in the news
A lighthearted, positive topic such as a sports win or a local festival is a safe opener. Avoid heated topics with strangers.
Say, “Did you see the match last night?”
Share a small surprise
If something unexpected happens, such as a spilled drink or a power cut, a shared smile and comment bonds people. Shared moments are instant common ground.
Say, “Well, that was unexpected!” with a smile.
Ask for small help
A harmless request, such as “Do you know where the toilets are?”, starts a chat and makes the other person feel useful. People like to help.
Ask a polite question about directions or the event.
Ask about travel
Travel stories are positive and rich. Even people who have not travelled have dream destinations to share.
Ask, “Where is the best place you have visited?”
Ask about hobbies
Hobbies make people light up. Ask what they love doing and follow their energy.
Ask, “What do you do for fun?”
Ask about pets
Pets are a warm, safe topic. Most owners will happily introduce theirs by name and photo.
Ask, “Do you have a pet? Tell me about them.”
Ask about their favourite season or place
Personal-preference questions are easy to answer and fun to compare.
Ask, “Which season do you love most?”
Make a gentle remark about the decor
Noticing something you like in the room invites others to share their view. Keep it positive.
Say, “The lighting here is so cosy.”
Admit you are new
“I am new here” invites help and kindness. Most people love guiding a newcomer.
Say, “I am new here, any tips for meeting people?”
Say "Have we met?"
If someone looks familiar, ask kindly. Even a mistake leads to a friendly chat.
Say, “I think we might have met, I am Sam.”
Refer to something you overheard
“I could not help hearing you talk about gardening, I love it too” is warm and clear. It shows you are listening and share an interest.
Pick one shared interest and mention it.
Bond over a mild shared moan
A light, shared annoyance such as a long queue connects strangers. Keep it gentle and positive afterwards.
Say, “Quite a queue, isn’t it?” and add something cheerful.
Start with a plain, warm hello
Never underestimate a smile and “Hello”. Warmth matters more than clever words.
Say hello warmly to one new person today.
Follow up on their first answer
After any opener, follow up with one more question. Karen Huang and colleagues found that people who ask follow-up questions are liked more by their conversation partners.
Ask a second question about whatever they say first.
Choose open over closed questions
Closed questions end chats quickly, open questions invite stories. “What did you enjoy most?” beats “Did you enjoy it?”.
Rephrase one closed question as an open one.
Do not wait for the perfect line
Your opener does not need to be clever. A friendly tone matters more than the words.
Pick one opener and use it tonight.
Practise with low-stakes people
Try openers on cashiers, neighbours or fellow commuters first. Low-risk practice builds ease for big events.
Use one opener on a shop assistant today.
Prepare three openers
Having three ready makes your mind calm. Choose one situational, one question and one compliment.
Write three openers in your phone.
Listen for hooks
Small phrases such as “I have just moved” or “I am training for a race” are hooks. Follow them with a curious question.
Pick one hook from what they say and ask about it.
Smile as you open
A smile makes any opener better. It signals kindness before the first word.
Smile first, then speak.
Use a light, kind joke
Humour about the situation, not people, relaxes the mood. Keep it gentle and brief.
Say, “I came for the snacks, so I hope they are good.”
Link to the occasion
If it is a birthday, a wedding or a launch, the occasion is the opener: “How do you know the happy couple?”
Use the occasion as your hook.
Ask what they are enjoying so far
“What has been the highlight so far?” invites a happy answer and shows interest in their experience.
Ask it midway through an event.
Use the "two-sentence rule"
Say a short comment, then ask a question, such as “This place is lovely. Have you been before?” Statement plus question keeps both people comfortable.
Combine a comment and a question in your opener.
Choose the opener that sounds like you
A simple line said kindly beats a clever line said stiffly. Use words you would naturally say.
Say your three openers aloud and keep the one that feels most like you.
Celebrate each opener
Every time you open a conversation, you grow stronger. Count your openers over a week and notice the number rise.
Count your openers this week.
Match the opener to the mood
A quiet gallery needs a soft, curious question, while a lively party welcomes a playful line. Reading the room helps your words land.
Listen to the room for ten seconds before you choose your opener.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many everyday situations.
“How do you know the host?”
“Have you been here before?”
“Have you tried the dip, it is really good?”
“Can you believe this weather?”
“I am new to the group, what do you recommend?”
“What brought you along tonight?”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Choose three openers
Say them aloud in the mirror
Use one at the next queue
Use one at an event
Note the answers
Add one follow-up question
Add a new opener
Further reading
- How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie)
- The Fine Art of Small Talk (Debra Fine)
- Quiet (Susan Cain)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Social Confidence”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Leave Gracefully When You Are DoneNext: Ask Questions People Love to Answer →
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- Where Social Fear Begins
- Stop Rehearsing Disasters in Your Head
- People Like You More Than You Think
- The Liking Gap Explained
- The Doorway Reset Before You Enter
- Arrive Early and Win the Room
- Find the Friendly Face First
- Join a Group Without Interrupting
- What to Do With a Drink and Your Hands
- Take a Wingman, Then Wander Alone
- Leave Gracefully When You Are Done
- Three Easy Openers for Any Event
- Ask Questions People Love to Answer
- The Follow-Up Question Habit
- Share a Little About Yourself
- Talk About Almost Anything for Two Minutes
- Compliments That Feel Genuine
- End a Chat Kindly and Move On
- Be Interested, Not Interesting
- Remember Names and Little Details
- Smile First, Say Hello First
- Make Others Feel Important
- Laugh Easily at Yourself
- The Warmth Habit That Wins People
- Listen Like It Is the Only Thing You Are Doing
- What to Say When Your Mind Goes Blank
- Recover From a Silly Mistake
- Handle Silence Without Panic
- Exit a Boring or Unpleasant Chat
- When You Forget Someone's Name
- Turn Awkwardness Into Humour
- Set a One-Event-a-Week Goal
- Say Yes to Invitations
- Host Something Small
- Practise in Low-Risk Places
- Reflect Kindly After Every Event
- Celebrate Each Social Win
