LESSON 01 · WORKING A ROOM

Pick the Right Events

Eighteen easy tips to pick the right events, so your time goes to rooms where good people gather.

Right room, right people. Choose with care.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Quiet (Susan Cain), The Introvert’s Edge (Matthew Pollard), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

Photo for the tip: Why choose carefully
TIP 1

Why choose carefully

Not every event is worth your time. A few good rooms beat many random ones, because you meet people who fit your goals.

TRY THIS
Pick wisely.
Photo for the tip: Start with your goal
TIP 2

Start with your goal

Ask what you want, such as new friends, a new job or new ideas. A clear goal helps you choose the right room.

TRY THIS
Write one goal.
Photo for the tip: Look for small events first
TIP 3

Look for small events first

Small meetups let you talk to everyone. Big conferences can feel loud and lonely at the start.

TRY THIS
Try a small one.
Photo for the tip: Check who is going
TIP 4

Check who is going

Read the speaker list, the guest list or the group page. People you want to meet may be there.

TRY THIS
Check the list.
Photo for the tip: Choose events with a shared activity
TIP 5

Choose events with a shared activity

A class, workshop or volunteering day gives you something to talk about. It is easier than pure chatting.

TRY THIS
Pick an activity.
Photo for the tip: Go to regular events
TIP 6

Go to regular events

Weekly or monthly meetups let you see the same faces. Seeing people again builds trust faster than a single chance.

TRY THIS
Go twice.
Photo for the tip: Ask people for recommendations
TIP 7

Ask people for recommendations

Ask friends and colleagues which events they enjoy. Personal tips beat random searching.

TRY THIS
Ask three people.
Photo for the tip: Mix online and in-person events
TIP 8

Mix online and in-person events

Online events are low pressure for beginners. In-person events build deeper bonds. A mix gives you the best of both.

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Try both.
Photo for the tip: Script: asking a friend
TIP 9

Script: asking a friend

Would you like to come to this meetup with me? Say it lightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: asking the host
TIP 10

Script: asking the host

Who usually comes to this event? Say it politely.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Script: new group
TIP 11

Script: new group

I am new here, but I would love to join your next meetup. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: going to every event
TIP 12

Mistake: going to every event

You will burn out and meet nobody well, so pick fewer and go deeper.

TRY THIS
Say no sometimes.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: choosing events only by free food
TIP 13

Mistake: choosing events only by free food

Food is nice but people matter more, so look at who attends.

TRY THIS
Look at people.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: expecting instant results
TIP 14

Mistake: expecting instant results

Relationships take time, so give an event group a few visits before judging it.

TRY THIS
Be patient.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel too shy to go
TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when you feel too shy to go

Go for thirty minutes only and leave with one new name. A small win feels good.

TRY THIS
Set a short goal.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when the event feels wrong
TIP 16

Troubleshoot: when the event feels wrong

It is fine to leave early and try another group. Not every room is yours.

TRY THIS
Leave kindly.
Photo for the tip: Drill: list five possible events
TIP 17

Drill: list five possible events

Search online and write five events near you, then pick the best one.

TRY THIS
List five.
Photo for the tip: Drill: book one event this week
TIP 18

Drill: book one event this week

Choose one event and put it in your calendar today, then tell a friend so you follow through.

TRY THIS
Book it.
Photo for the tip: Choose events with a clear topic
TIP 19

Choose events with a clear topic

A focused event, such as a design night, means everyone shares a link. Small talk becomes easy.

TRY THIS
Pick a topic you love.
Photo for the tip: Check the time and place
TIP 20

Check the time and place

Pick events that fit your schedule and travel. If getting there is hard, you will skip it.

TRY THIS
Check the details.
Photo for the tip: Try a free event first
TIP 21

Try a free event first

Free events cost nothing but a little time. They are a safe way to test a group.

TRY THIS
Find one free event.
Photo for the tip: Read reviews or photos
TIP 22

Read reviews or photos

Look at past event photos. Do people look friendly and relaxed?

TRY THIS
Look at photos.
Photo for the tip: Example: the library talk
TIP 23

Example: the library talk

A free author talk at a library led to three coffee dates for Ana. Small events work.

TRY THIS
Search your library.
Photo for the tip: Example: the skills class
TIP 24

Example: the skills class

Tom joined a cooking class and met two future teammates. Shared activity is a great icebreaker.

TRY THIS
Join a class.
Photo for the tip: Mistake: picking events only for the big name
TIP 25

Mistake: picking events only for the big name

Famous speakers draw huge crowds where you cannot talk. Prefer rooms where chat is easy.

TRY THIS
Look for smaller rooms.
Photo for the tip: Troubleshoot: when you feel the event was a waste
TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you feel the event was a waste

Write one thing you learned and one person you met. Even small gains count.

TRY THIS
Write your two things.
Photo for the tip: Drill: pick three events and choose one
TIP 27

Drill: pick three events and choose one

List three events and score each for goal, ease and cost. Choose the highest.

TRY THIS
Score three.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

PICK

“This event fits my goals.”

CHECK

“Who else is coming?”

ASK

“Would you like to go together?”

PLAN

“I will go for one hour.”

TRY

“Let me test a small one first.”

CLOSE

“That was a good choice.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Write your goal
DAY 2
List event types
DAY 3
Check the guest list
DAY 4
Ask a friend
DAY 5
Pick one event
DAY 6
Set a time limit
DAY 7
Review after

Further reading

  • Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
  • Quiet (Susan Cain)
  • The Introvert’s Edge (Matthew Pollard)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.

More lessons in “Working a Room”

Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.

Next: Set One Small Goal →

  1. Pick the Right Events
  2. Set One Small Goal
  3. Plan Your Arrival and Outfit
  4. Enter Calmly and Find a Friendly Face
  5. Join a Group Without Interrupting
  6. Start Chats With Easy Questions
  7. Listen More Than You Talk
  8. Introduce People to Each Other
  9. Share Your Contact the Easy Way
  10. Exit a Chat Kindly
  11. Networking for Quiet People
  12. Write Notes the Same Night
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