Listen More Than You Talk
Eighteen easy tips to listen more than you talk, so people feel heard and remember you kindly.
Listening is a gift. Ears first, words second.
27 tips that really help
These ideas come from Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), Quiet (Susan Cain), The Introvert’s Edge (Matthew Pollard), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Why listening wins
People remember how you made them feel. When you listen well, they feel valued and they often describe you as great company.
Listen more.
Put your phone away
Even a quick glance tells people they are less important. Keep it away for the whole chat.
Phone down.
Look at the speaker
Warm eye contact shows you care. Soft looks are better than a hard stare.
Look softly.
Nod and use small sounds
A nod, a smile and a soft mm-hm tell people to continue. They keep the talk flowing.
Nod gently.
Repeat their key words
Saying, so the move was hard? shows you heard. It also helps them go deeper.
Echo a word.
Ask a follow-up question
Ask, what happened next? or, how did you feel? Follow-ups turn small talk into real talk.
Ask one.
Wait before you reply
Count to two after they stop. A short pause makes room for more and avoids interrupting.
Count to two.
Remember one detail
Pick one fact to remember, such as a pet name or a city. Mention it later to show you cared.
Remember one thing.
Script: encouraging
That sounds interesting, please tell me more. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: reflecting
So you moved here last year and you are still finding your way? Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for sharing that with me. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: thinking about your reply while they talk
You miss their words, so focus on listening.
Stay present.
Mistake: finishing their sentences
It can feel rude, so let them end their own thoughts.
Wait.
Mistake: giving advice too fast
People often want to be heard first, so ask if they want advice.
Ask first.
Troubleshoot: when they talk too long
Gently say, that is so interesting, and I would love to hear what else you enjoy. Steer kindly.
Steer kindly.
Troubleshoot: when you feel distracted
Take a breath, relax your shoulders and focus on one word at a time. Return to the speaker.
Refocus.
Drill: listen for one full minute
In your next chat, listen for one full minute without sharing a story of your own.
Try it.
Drill: write down one detail after each chat
After every conversation, note one thing the person shared. It builds your memory.
Write it.
Use the three-second pause
After they stop, pause three seconds. Often they add more and say something important.
Count to three.
Reflect their feelings
You sound excited about that, which shows you hear more than words.
Name a feeling.
Do not plan your answer while they speak
Stay with their words. You will find your answer naturally.
Focus fully.
Remember one detail to mention later
Mention it before you leave. People feel valued when you recall a detail.
Pick a detail.
Example: the listener at the party
Zara asked two questions and listened. The speaker told friends, she is wonderful.
Be Zara.
Example: the nod
Leo nodded and said, mm-hm. The speaker shared much more than planned.
Nod gently.
Mistake: checking your phone while listening
Even one glance breaks trust. Keep the phone away.
Phone away.
Troubleshoot: when you are tired
Take a breath, sip water and ask one more question. Energy often returns.
Sip water.
Drill: listen for two minutes without talking
In your next chat, ask one question and listen for two minutes. Notice what you learn.
Try it.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.
“I am listening.”
“So you mean this?”
“What happened next?”
“That sounds important.”
“Thank you for sharing.”
“I enjoyed hearing that.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Look at them
Nod
Ask a follow-up
Repeat a key word
Wait
Share a little
Thank them
Further reading
- Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
- Quiet (Susan Cain)
- The Introvert’s Edge (Matthew Pollard)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
