Networking & Career / Online Networking / Lesson 05

LESSON 05 · ONLINE NETWORKING

Message a Stranger Without Being Pushy

Eighteen easy tips to message a stranger without being pushy, so your note feels warm and gets a reply.

Be kind and brief. Ask one small thing.

27 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

27 tips that really help

These ideas come from Show Your Work! (Austin Kleon), Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi), So Good They Can’t Ignore You (Cal Newport), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why this works

Strangers say yes to kind, clear and small requests. A short note that respects their time often gets a warm reply.

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Try it.

TIP 2

Do a little research

Read their profile and one post. A quick look helps you write something real.

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Spend five minutes.

TIP 3

Open with a friendly hello

Say hello and your name. It sets a kind tone from the first word.

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Say hello.

TIP 4

Say why you chose them

Name the reason, such as your article helped me. People enjoy knowing their work helped.

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Name the reason.

TIP 5

Ask one small question

Ask something short like, how did you start? A small ask is easy to say yes to.

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Ask one thing.

TIP 6

Make it easy to say no

Say, no worries if you are busy. It lowers pressure and people feel kinder.

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Add a kind line.

TIP 7

Keep it under one hundred words

Short notes get read. If you cannot say it in a few lines, simplify.

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Count your words.

TIP 8

Say thank you at the end

A thank you shows good manners and leaves a smile.

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Thank them.

TIP 9

Script: opening

Hi Maya, I am Sam. I read your article on kind leadership and it helped me a lot. Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 10

Script: the ask

Could I ask you one quick question about how you started? Say it politely.

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Use it.

TIP 11

Script: easy exit

No worries at all if you are busy, and thank you either way. Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 12

Mistake: asking for a big favour

Big favours scare strangers, so ask small.

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Ask small.

TIP 13

Mistake: writing a long life story

Long stories lose people, so keep to the point.

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Keep short.

TIP 14

Mistake: sending the same message to many

People can tell, so write one real line for each.

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Personalise it.

TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when they never reply

Send one gentle follow-up after a week and then move on kindly.

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Follow up once.

TIP 16

Troubleshoot: when you feel scared to hit send

Imagine a friend getting the same message and be kind to yourself. Send it.

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Send it.

TIP 17

Drill: write a message in five minutes

Set a timer and write a message to someone you admire, then edit once.

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Write one.

TIP 18

Drill: send one kind message

Send one real message today and note what happens.

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Send it.

TIP 19

Mention one thing they wrote or made

Quote a line from their work. It proves you read it.

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Quote one line.

TIP 20

Offer help if you can

Say, if a fresh view would help, I am happy to share. A gift opens doors.

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Offer help.

TIP 21

Ask for a small piece of advice

One small question is easier to answer than a big favour.

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Ask small.

TIP 22

Keep to plain text

Avoid fancy formatting. Plain notes look kind and personal.

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Use plain text.

TIP 23

Example: the author fan

Hi Dana, your book helped me start a habit. May I ask how you began writing?

TRY THIS
Write one.

TIP 24

Example: the talk fan

Hi Chen, your talk changed how I think about meetings. Thank you.

TRY THIS
Write one.

TIP 25

Mistake: sending a long file or attachment

Attachments may feel heavy. Wait until they ask.

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Skip attachments.

TIP 26

Troubleshoot: when you get a cold reply

Say thanks and leave kindly. People are busy.

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Say thanks.

TIP 27

Drill: write a 60-word note

Write a message in sixty words. Cut until it flows.

TRY THIS
Write one.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

HELLO

“Hello, I am Sam.”

REASON

“I am writing because of this.”

ASK

“Could I ask one question?”

EASY

“No worries if you are busy.”

THANKS

“Thank you for your time.”

CLOSE

“Have a lovely day.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Research them

DAY 2
Write a hello

DAY 3
Share a reason

DAY 4
Ask one question

DAY 5
Make it easy

DAY 6
Say thanks

DAY 7
Wait kindly

Further reading

• Show Your Work! (Austin Kleon)
• Never Eat Alone (Keith Ferrazzi)
• So Good They Can’t Ignore You (Cal Newport)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.