Calm Your Nerves Before You Go
Forty easy tips to calm your nerves before you go, so you arrive relaxed and ready to enjoy.
Calm body, kind mind. You are ready.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from Modern Romance (Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg), Eight Dates (John and Julie Gottman), How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Nerves are normal
If your hands feel cold and your stomach feels strange before a first date, you are completely normal. Feeling nervous simply means that you care. It means that you hope the evening will go well, and that you want to be kind and be liked. A little nervousness can even help you. It makes you alert, warm and thoughtful, if you learn to welcome it.
Next time you feel nervous, say aloud, I am excited. Notice how your body responds.
Breathe slowly
Slow breathing is one of the fastest ways to calm your body. When you breathe in for four counts, and out for six, five times, your heart rate slows, and your mind becomes clearer. It takes only a minute, and you can do it anywhere. Your breath is a remote control for your calm.
Try the four-in, six-out breath five times right now. Notice how your shoulders feel afterwards.
Move your body
Nervous energy needs somewhere to go. A short walk, a few stretches or even a little dance in your room can burn it off. When your body feels looser, your mind follows, and you arrive feeling lighter. Move before you leave home, and your date will meet a calmer you.
Before your next date or event, move for five minutes. Choose a song that makes you happy.
Eat something light
Hunger can make nerves worse. If your stomach is empty, you may feel shaky, dizzy or irritable. A small, light snack before a date keeps your energy steady, and helps you feel clear and kind. It does not need to be a big meal. A banana, some nuts or a piece of toast is enough.
Choose your favourite light snack for date days. Keep it in your kitchen, ready.
Plan your outfit early
Choosing your clothes the day before saves you from a last-minute rush. When your outfit is ready, you can relax, and focus on how you want to feel. Comfort helps you feel confident. A calm morning begins with a ready chair.
Choose an outfit for your next event tonight. Put it where you can see it.
Listen to uplifting music
Music can change your mood in minutes. A favourite song can lift your spirits, calm your mind and make you feel like yourself. Play it on the way to the date, and arrive with a smile. Choose songs that make you feel strong and happy.
Make a playlist of three happy songs. Listen to it on the way to your next outing.
Picture it going well
Our minds often imagine the worst. What if I say something silly. What if they do not like me. A better habit is to picture the date going well. Imagine a friendly chat, a smile from them and a warm feeling in your chest. Pictures of success calm the mind.
Spend two minutes picturing a pleasant, friendly date. Notice how your body feels.
Prepare two easy topics
Many people fear that they will run out of things to say. A small plan removes that fear. Think of two simple topics that you enjoy, such as travel, food, music or a funny story from the week. You may never need them, but knowing they are there makes you calm. Preparation is a safety net, not a script.
Write two easy topics in your phone notes, with one question for each.
Remind yourself that they feel nervous too
It is easy to think that you are the only nervous person. But your date is probably feeling just as nervous as you are. They are wondering what to wear, what to say and whether you will like them. Remembering this softens your heart. Kindness is the best cure for shared nerves.
Before your next meeting, tell yourself, they are nervous too. Notice how it changes your attitude.
Set a simple goal
Instead of trying to impress, set a simple goal for the date. Be kind, be curious and be yourself. You do not need to win or perform. When your goal is small and clear, the pressure drops, and you can enjoy the time. A kind goal is a light in the corner of your mind.
Write one simple, kind goal for your next date. Read it before you go.
Reward yourself afterwards
Plan a small treat for after the date, whatever happens. A favourite snack, a walk, a warm bath or a call with a friend. Knowing that a reward waits for you takes the pressure off, and makes the whole experience feel kinder. You deserve a reward for being brave.
Choose a small treat for after your next date. Write it in your calendar.
Example: the song and the walk
Here is a real example of how two small habits can calm nerves. Aria played her favourite song and walked to the cafe. She arrived calm and smiling. It shows that simple things can make a big difference. You do not need a special method. You only need kind habits.
Choose your song and your walking route for your next date. Try them once this week.
Example: the topics list
Our second example is about a simple list of topics. Ben wrote two topics on his phone and felt relaxed. He did not need them, but he loved having them. It shows how a tiny bit of preparation can bring calm. A safety net feels good even if you never use it.
Write two topics in your phone notes today. Keep them for your next date or gathering.
Example: the shared nerves
Our third example is about honest nerves. Mina told her date that she felt nervous, and he laughed and said that he did too. The ice melted. It shows that honesty about feelings can bring people together. Sharing a small worry is a gift of trust.
Practise one honest, light sentence about your nerves, and say it aloud once. Keep it ready for your next date.
Script: to yourself
Here is a short script to say to yourself before a date. I am prepared, I am kind, and I will enjoy this. Say it quietly, and slowly, with a hand on your chest. Words that you say to yourself have a strong effect on your mood.
Say the script to yourself right now, slowly. Keep it for the next time you feel nervous.
Script: to your date
I am a little nervous, but I am glad to meet you. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: to a friend before
I am heading to my date now, wish me luck. Say it lightly.
Use it.
Script: after
That went well, and I am proud I went. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Mistake: drinking too much coffee
Extra caffeine can make you jittery, so keep it light.
Skip the extra cup.
Mistake: drinking alcohol to calm down
It can lead to regret, so use breathing and a snack instead.
Breathe first.
Mistake: overthinking the date for days
Too much thinking raises fear, so keep busy with friends and hobbies.
Plan something fun.
Troubleshoot: when your hands shake
Press your palms together, breathe out slowly and hold a warm cup later. The shake fades.
Breathe out.
Troubleshoot: when you want to cancel
Take ten minutes to breathe and go for a short time. You can leave after thirty minutes if you wish.
Go for thirty minutes.
Troubleshoot: when your mind goes blank
Smile, take a sip and ask them about their day. Questions rescue silence.
Ask a question.
Drill: practise a calm routine
Try your breathing, music and stretch routine before an ordinary event this week.
Practise once.
Drill: write your pre-date checklist
Write five steps you will follow before every date and keep them in your notes.
Write five.
Book idea: reframe nerves as excitement
Researchers find that saying I am excited helps performance more than trying to calm down.
Say it aloud.
Book idea: breathe out longer
Breathing guides suggest that a longer exhale calms the body quickly.
Try four in, six out.
Myth: nervous means a bad date
Nerves show that you care, and they usually fade after the first few minutes.
Accept the feeling.
Myth: you must hide your nerves
A gentle I am a bit nervous often makes the other person relax too.
Say it with a smile.
Story: Beth shakes out her hands
Beth shook out her arms and walked briskly for five minutes before her date, and arrived calm.
Move before you meet.
Story: Idris texts a friend
Idris sent a funny message to a friend before his date and walked in laughing.
Plan a pre-date chat.
Journal: what exactly am I afraid of?
Naming the fear shrinks it and helps you plan.
Write it in one line.
Challenge: do a two-minute power pose
Standing tall for two minutes can lift your mood and energy.
Try it in a bathroom.
Challenge: listen to your favourite song on the way
Music shifts your feelings quickly and sets a happy tone.
Make a short playlist.
Green flag: you feel curious as well as nervous
Curiosity means you are open to the person in front of you.
Ask one question.
Red flag: telling yourself everything depends on tonight
Too much pressure makes you stiff, so remind yourself it is one conversation.
Lower the stakes.
Think about it: what would I tell a friend in my shoes?
Kind advice for others often calms you too.
Say it to yourself.
Mini habit: a one-minute breathing break before big moments
Short pauses build a calm response over time.
Set a daily reminder.
Say this: this is just a chat with a new person
A calm, simple sentence takes the pressure off and keeps your mind in the moment.
Repeat it on the way.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“I breathe slowly.”
“I am prepared and ready.”
“I am kind to myself.”
“I will enjoy this.”
“I am curious about them.”
“I can do this.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Take five slow breaths
Stretch your shoulders
Drink water
Listen to a favourite song
Say a calm line
Smile in the mirror
Arrive a little early
Further reading
- Modern Romance (Aziz Ansari and Eric Klinenberg)
- Eight Dates (John and Julie Gottman)
- How to Talk to Anyone (Leil Lowndes)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Dating and First Dates”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Choose an Easy First-Date PlaceNext: Dress for Comfort and Confidence →
- Where Good People Meet
- Ask Friends to Introduce You
- Say Yes to Social Plans
- Be Open to Different Types
- Write a Warm Dating Profile
- Choose Photos That Look Like You
- Start Chats Without Pressure
- Stay Safe When Meeting Online Matches
- Choose an Easy First-Date Place
- Calm Your Nerves Before You Go
- Dress for Comfort and Confidence
- Set a Friendly Mindset
- Great First-Date Conversation Topics
- Listen More Than You Talk
- Show Interest Without Interrogating
- Handle Awkward Silences Kindly
- Say Goodbye Warmly
- How Soon to Text Afterwards
- Say No Kindly When It Is Not a Match
- Decide Whether to Go on a Second Date
