Put Phones Away for Time Together
Forty easy tips to put phones away for time together, so attention returns to the person beside you.
Be here. Screens down, hearts up.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman), Getting the Love You Want (Harville Hendrix), Fair Play (Eve Rodsky), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Phones steal attention
A phone on the table can split your attention, even if you do not touch it. Partners feel the difference.
Test it.
Choose a regular phone-free time
Pick dinner or the first hour after work. A regular time becomes a habit.
Choose a time.
Use a basket or drawer
Place phones out of sight. Physical separation helps.
Use a basket.
Switch off notifications
Mute alerts so no buzzing breaks the mood. Quiet helps.
Mute them.
Plan something to do together
Cook, walk, play a game or talk. Having an activity makes it easier.
Plan an activity.
Be curious about each other
Ask real questions and listen. People love attention.
Ask one.
Start with a short time
Try thirty minutes. Build up as it feels good.
Start small.
Tell others your phone-free time
Let friends know you are offline. This reduces fear of missing out.
Tell them.
Notice the benefits
Notice how you feel afterwards, such as calmer and closer. Reflect and share.
Reflect.
Include an exception for emergencies
Agree that urgent calls are fine. This reduces anxiety.
Agree an exception.
Model it for children and others
Children copy us. Show them the value of presence.
Model it.
Example: the basket dinner
Joe and Lin put phones in a basket at dinner. They say conversations got deeper.
Try a basket.
Example: the hour after work
They keep the first hour after work screen-free. Stress dropped and closeness grew.
Protect an hour.
Example: the walk
Pia and Tom left phones at home during a Sunday walk and felt like new people.
Leave phones at home.
Script: inviting
Shall we put our phones away for dinner tonight? Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: noticing
I felt really close to you during our phone-free time. Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: exception
If anything urgent comes, we can check, otherwise we stay offline. Say it kindly.
Use it.
Script: thanking
Thank you for being fully here with me. Say it sincerely.
Use it.
Mistake: checking your phone just in case during the phone-free time
One quick check breaks the spell, so resist the urge.
Resist once.
Mistake: scolding your partner for phone use in public
Shame creates resistance, so invite instead of blame.
Invite gently.
Mistake: making rules that only apply to them
Fair rules apply to both of you, so follow them too.
Follow them.
Troubleshoot: when work needs you to be reachable
Agree on specific times to check and tell colleagues your offline hours. Balance matters.
Set times.
Troubleshoot: when you feel anxious without your phone
Start with short breaks, breathe and remind yourself that messages can wait. Anxiety eases.
Start short.
Troubleshoot: when your partner will not join in
Share how it feels when phones dominate and offer fun alternatives. Keep it kind.
Talk kindly.
Book idea: presence beats presents
Many relationship researchers find that undivided attention is one of the strongest signs of love, and phones are the biggest thief of it.
Put the phone away.
Book idea: phubbing
Studies of partner phone snubbing show it is linked with lower satisfaction and more conflict, so a simple phone-free time protects love.
Try phone-free time.
Myth: just checking quickly is harmless
Quick checks break connection each time, and your partner feels second best.
Wait ten minutes.
Myth: phone-free time is unrealistic
Even twenty minutes a day is realistic and powerful.
Start small.
Story: Jo and Will’s basket
Jo and Will placed their phones in a basket at dinner and said they talked more in a week than in a month.
Use a basket.
Story: Sana mutes notifications
Sana turned off notifications after seven and said her mind and marriage felt calmer.
Mute after seven.
Challenge: have a phone-free hour every evening for a week
It builds the habit and the closeness.
Start tonight.
Red flag: they never look up from the screen
Talk about it kindly and ask for change.
Raise it.
Fun fact: a phone on the table lowers conversation quality
Research shows even its presence reduces closeness.
Share it.
Think about it: what am I missing in real life when my eyes are on my phone?
Naming what you miss makes it easier to choose the person in front of you.
Write it.
Think about it: what would our evenings feel like with no screens at all?
Imagining it makes the first step feel exciting and not like a loss.
Plan one screen-free night.
Mini habit: look up and smile when your partner walks into the room
A warm welcome in the first second sets a loving tone for the whole evening.
Try it today.
Mini habit: set a daily screen sunset when all screens go off
A fixed time each evening protects your rest and your closeness without any daily argument.
Choose a time.
Quick win: place phones face down and out of reach during meals
A simple physical step removes temptation and shows your partner they come first.
Do it today.
Fun fact: even a phone on the table lowers the quality of conversation
Studies find that the mere presence of a phone reduces closeness and trust in talks.
Share it.
Green flag: they put the phone down as soon as you start talking
Attention is one of the clearest forms of love, so notice it and say thank you.
Say thanks.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“Shall we put phones away for an hour?”
“Let us put them in the basket.”
“I love this time with you.”
“Thank you for being present.”
“Tell me about your day.”
“That felt good.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Choose a time
Use a basket
Switch to silent
Do something together
Talk and listen
Enjoy the quiet
Reflect
Further reading
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (John Gottman)
- Getting the Love You Want (Harville Hendrix)
- Fair Play (Eve Rodsky)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
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Start freeThese lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.
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Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Handle Busy SchedulesNext: Fix the Feeling of Being Ignored →
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