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LESSON 09 · GROWING YOUR CAREER

Negotiate Calmly and Kindly

Eighteen easy tips to negotiate calmly and kindly, so you reach fair deals and keep good relationships.

Calm and fair. Both can win.

26 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

26 tips that really help

These ideas come from So Good They Can’t Ignore You (Cal Newport), Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury), Mindset (Carol Dweck), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Why negotiate

Negotiation is a normal part of work and life. Calm talks can bring fair deals and trust.

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Prepare.

TIP 2

Know what matters most

List your top three priorities. Know where you can bend.

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List three.

TIP 3

Know your alternatives

Think of other options if talks fail. It makes you feel calm.

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Know your plan B.

TIP 4

Listen first

Ask questions and hear their needs. Understanding helps solutions.

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Listen.

TIP 5

Share your needs clearly

Say what matters to you and why. Clear words help.

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Be clear.

TIP 6

Offer options

Suggest two or three ways to solve it. Choices keep talks friendly.

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Offer options.

TIP 7

Trade things you value differently

You may give what costs you little and gain what matters. Smart trades help.

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Trade smartly.

TIP 8

Pause and take time

Ask for time to think if you need it. Good decisions need calm.

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Take time.

TIP 9

Script: asking

Could you help me understand what matters most to you? Say it warmly.

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Use it.

TIP 10

Script: options

What if we try a shorter trial and review in two months? Say it kindly.

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Use it.

TIP 11

Script: pause

I would like to think about this and reply tomorrow. Say it calmly.

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Use it.

TIP 12

Mistake: treating it as a fight

Fights damage trust, so seek a fair deal.

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Be fair.

TIP 13

Mistake: saying yes too fast

Hasty yeses may cost you, so pause.

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Pause.

TIP 14

Troubleshoot: when the other person is aggressive

Stay calm, lower your voice and focus on facts. Do not match anger.

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Stay calm.

TIP 15

Troubleshoot: when you feel stuck

Take a break or ask a neutral person to help. Fresh eyes help.

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Take a break.

TIP 16

Drill: practise a small negotiation

Negotiate something small, like a deadline, kindly this week.

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Try it.

TIP 17

Drill: write your priorities

Write top three priorities for your next talk.

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Write them.

TIP 18

Take notes during the talk

Notes help you keep calm and follow up.

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Take notes.

TIP 19

Follow up in writing

Send a short summary after the talk.

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Send one.

TIP 20

Example: the trade

Jo agreed to extra hours for a month in exchange for training. Both were happy.

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Look for trades.

TIP 21

Example: the pause

Mei paused when pressed and replied the next day with a counter. It felt calm.

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Use a pause.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when emotions rise

Take a break and return when calm.

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Pause.

TIP 23

List what you can offer in a trade

Knowing what you can give, such as time, skill or loyalty, makes it easier to find fair deals together.

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Write three offers.

TIP 24

Aim for a deal both sides can be proud of

A fair outcome keeps the relationship healthy, and it makes the other person glad to work with you again.

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Think win-win.

TIP 25

Use calm, slow speech when topics get tense

A slow, kind voice cools a heated moment and shows strength, which helps both people think clearly.

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Practise slow speech.

TIP 26

Write down what you agreed straight afterwards

A short written summary prevents confusion and shows professionalism, so send it within a day.

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Send a summary.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many networking and career moments.

LISTEN

“Help me understand your view.”

SHARE

“Here is what matters to me.”

OPTIONS

“What if we try this?”

TRADE

“I could do this if you could do that.”

PAUSE

“Let me think about it.”

CLOSE

“Thank you for working this out.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Prepare

DAY 2
Know your priorities

DAY 3
Listen first

DAY 4
Share needs

DAY 5
Offer options

DAY 6
Pause

DAY 7
Agree and thank

Further reading

• So Good They Can’t Ignore You (Cal Newport)
• Getting to Yes (Roger Fisher and William Ury)
• Mindset (Carol Dweck)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.