Use Video Calls Well
Forty easy tips to use video calls well, so you feel close even when far apart.
Make calls warm. Be present on screen.
40 tips that really help
These ideas come from The Long-Distance Relationship Guide (Chris Bell), Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson), The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.
Video helps closeness
Seeing a face and hearing a voice carries more warmth than text. Good setup makes calls feel better.
Set up well.
Choose a quiet, comfy spot
Pick a place with soft light and few distractions. Comfort helps conversation.
Choose one.
Check light and sound
Face a window or a soft lamp, use earphones and test your microphone. Clear sound matters.
Test it.
Put other devices away
Mute notifications and put your phone down. Attention is the gift.
Mute alerts.
Look at the camera sometimes
Looking at the camera feels like eye contact for them. Mix it with looking at the screen.
Try it.
Plan an activity
Cook, play a game, watch a show or walk with the phone. Activity makes calls lively.
Plan one.
Share snacks or drinks
Have tea together on the call. Shared rituals feel close.
Share a drink.
Start with warmth
Smile and say, I am so happy to see you. A warm start sets the tone.
Smile first.
Leave space for silence
Quiet moments are fine. Being together silently on video can feel cosy.
Enjoy quiet.
Handle tech problems with patience
Connections fail. Laugh, retry or switch to audio.
Be patient.
End with affection
Say what you enjoyed and when you will talk again. A warm ending keeps connection.
End warmly.
Example: the tea call
They both made tea and sat on their sofas on video. It felt like a visit.
Make tea.
Example: the game
They played an online board game every week. It brought laughter.
Play a game.
Example: the quiet
Once they just read side by side on video. They said it was lovely.
Share quiet.
Script: starting
I am so happy to see you, hello my love. Say it warmly.
Use it.
Script: asking
Shall we cook the same dish tonight on video? Say it brightly.
Use it.
Script: closing
I loved seeing you, same time on Sunday? Say it softly.
Use it.
Script: tech
The connection is bad, let us switch to a call. Say it calmly.
Use it.
Mistake: scrolling your phone during video calls
It tells them they are not important, so give full attention.
Phone away.
Mistake: using every call for serious talks
It can drain joy, so plan lighter calls too.
Add fun.
Mistake: sitting in a dark or noisy place
Poor setup blocks connection, so choose well.
Fix setup.
Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say
Do an activity or ask picture questions about their surroundings. Activities fill gaps.
Do something.
Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward on camera
Warm up with a small chat and relax. Comfort grows with time.
Relax.
Troubleshoot: when internet is poor
Use audio, schedule at better times or record messages. Keep calm.
Switch to audio.
Drill: set up your call corner
Add a lamp and a comfy seat.
Set it up.
Book idea: presence is the point
Researchers on video calls note that full attention, such as looking at the camera and not multitasking, makes people feel closer than long but distracted calls.
Give your full attention.
Book idea: fatigue from screens is real
Studies of video call fatigue show that long calls tire people, so shorter, focused calls with breaks often feel better and more loving.
Try shorter calls.
Myth: video calls feel awkward so they are not worth it
Awkwardness fades with practice, and seeing a face and expression brings warmth that text cannot.
Keep practising.
Myth: calls must have something to say
Quiet time together on video, like cooking or reading side by side, can feel just as close as talking.
Try a quiet call.
Story: Lola and Omar cook together
Lola and Omar cooked the same recipe on video in their separate kitchens, laughed at the mistakes and said it felt like a real date.
Cook together online.
Story: Beth tries a walk call
Beth took her partner along on a walk using her phone camera, and said sharing the view made the distance feel smaller.
Try a walk call.
Journal: what makes a video call feel good to me?
Knowing what you like, such as good light or a calm place, helps you set up better calls.
Write three things.
Journal: what distracts me during calls?
Naming distractions shows what to switch off before you start.
List two.
Challenge: have one video call each week with no phones, tabs or multitasking
Full attention makes a short call feel rich and special.
Pick the day.
Challenge: try a shared activity on video, like a puzzle or cooking
Doing something together gives you shared memories.
Choose one.
Green flag: you both look forward to calls and leave them smiling
Joy after calls shows they are working.
Notice it.
Red flag: calls always end in arguments or silence
Look at timing, tiredness and topic, and try a different approach.
Change one thing.
Say this: I am so glad to see your face, tell me about your day
A warm opening that sets the tone.
Use it.
Fun fact: shared experiences online can boost closeness
Research shows doing things together online raises feelings of connection.
Share it.
Mini habit: end every call with one thing you appreciate
A warm ending leaves a lasting good feeling.
Start tonight.
Easy things to say
When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.
“I set up a cosy corner.”
“I look at your face.”
“Tell me about your day.”
“Let us do something together.”
“Thank you for making time.”
“I miss you.”
Your first week
One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.
Choose a quiet spot
Check light and sound
Put phones away
Look at the camera
Plan an activity
Share a drink or snack
End warmly
Further reading
- The Long-Distance Relationship Guide (Chris Bell)
- Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson)
- The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.
More lessons in “Long Distance and Busy Seasons”
Keep going. Small steps every day make a big change.
← Previous: Share Your Day in Small MomentsNext: Send Voice Notes and Photos →
- Decide If Long Distance Is Right for You
- Set Clear Expectations
- Agree on How Often to Talk
- Plan an End Date or Goal
- Share Your Day in Small Moments
- Use Video Calls Well
- Send Voice Notes and Photos
- Watch Movies and Play Games Together
- Handle Loneliness and Worry
- Handle Time Zones Kindly
- Be Honest About Your Feelings
- Build Trust Without Checking Up
- Plan Visits You Both Love
- Make Goodbyes Easier
- Avoid Fights on Short Visits
- Make Everyday Life Together on Visits
- Stay Close During Exams, Work or New Baby Time
- Handle Shift Work and Travel
- Make Mini Dates in a Busy Week
- Plan the Future Together
