Relationships / Long Distance and Busy Seasons / Lesson 06

LESSON 06 · LONG DISTANCE AND BUSY SEASONS

Use Video Calls Well

Forty easy tips to use video calls well, so you feel close even when far apart.

Make calls warm. Be present on screen.

40 tipsEasy things to say7-day plan

Start with tip 1

Jump to the 7-day plan

40 tips that really help

These ideas come from The Long-Distance Relationship Guide (Chris Bell), Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson), The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman), and everyday practice. Pick one tip and try it today.

TIP 1

Video helps closeness

Seeing a face and hearing a voice carries more warmth than text. Good setup makes calls feel better.

TRY THIS
Set up well.

TIP 2

Choose a quiet, comfy spot

Pick a place with soft light and few distractions. Comfort helps conversation.

TRY THIS
Choose one.

TIP 3

Check light and sound

Face a window or a soft lamp, use earphones and test your microphone. Clear sound matters.

TRY THIS
Test it.

TIP 4

Put other devices away

Mute notifications and put your phone down. Attention is the gift.

TRY THIS
Mute alerts.

TIP 5

Look at the camera sometimes

Looking at the camera feels like eye contact for them. Mix it with looking at the screen.

TRY THIS
Try it.

TIP 6

Plan an activity

Cook, play a game, watch a show or walk with the phone. Activity makes calls lively.

TRY THIS
Plan one.

TIP 7

Share snacks or drinks

Have tea together on the call. Shared rituals feel close.

TRY THIS
Share a drink.

TIP 8

Start with warmth

Smile and say, I am so happy to see you. A warm start sets the tone.

TRY THIS
Smile first.

TIP 9

Leave space for silence

Quiet moments are fine. Being together silently on video can feel cosy.

TRY THIS
Enjoy quiet.

TIP 10

Handle tech problems with patience

Connections fail. Laugh, retry or switch to audio.

TRY THIS
Be patient.

TIP 11

End with affection

Say what you enjoyed and when you will talk again. A warm ending keeps connection.

TRY THIS
End warmly.

TIP 12

Example: the tea call

They both made tea and sat on their sofas on video. It felt like a visit.

TRY THIS
Make tea.

TIP 13

Example: the game

They played an online board game every week. It brought laughter.

TRY THIS
Play a game.

TIP 14

Example: the quiet

Once they just read side by side on video. They said it was lovely.

TRY THIS
Share quiet.

TIP 15

Script: starting

I am so happy to see you, hello my love. Say it warmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 16

Script: asking

Shall we cook the same dish tonight on video? Say it brightly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 17

Script: closing

I loved seeing you, same time on Sunday? Say it softly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 18

Script: tech

The connection is bad, let us switch to a call. Say it calmly.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 19

Mistake: scrolling your phone during video calls

It tells them they are not important, so give full attention.

TRY THIS
Phone away.

TIP 20

Mistake: using every call for serious talks

It can drain joy, so plan lighter calls too.

TRY THIS
Add fun.

TIP 21

Mistake: sitting in a dark or noisy place

Poor setup blocks connection, so choose well.

TRY THIS
Fix setup.

TIP 22

Troubleshoot: when you run out of things to say

Do an activity or ask picture questions about their surroundings. Activities fill gaps.

TRY THIS
Do something.

TIP 23

Troubleshoot: when you feel awkward on camera

Warm up with a small chat and relax. Comfort grows with time.

TRY THIS
Relax.

TIP 24

Troubleshoot: when internet is poor

Use audio, schedule at better times or record messages. Keep calm.

TRY THIS
Switch to audio.

TIP 25

Drill: set up your call corner

Add a lamp and a comfy seat.

TRY THIS
Set it up.

TIP 26

Book idea: presence is the point

Researchers on video calls note that full attention, such as looking at the camera and not multitasking, makes people feel closer than long but distracted calls.

TRY THIS
Give your full attention.

TIP 27

Book idea: fatigue from screens is real

Studies of video call fatigue show that long calls tire people, so shorter, focused calls with breaks often feel better and more loving.

TRY THIS
Try shorter calls.

TIP 28

Myth: video calls feel awkward so they are not worth it

Awkwardness fades with practice, and seeing a face and expression brings warmth that text cannot.

TRY THIS
Keep practising.

TIP 29

Myth: calls must have something to say

Quiet time together on video, like cooking or reading side by side, can feel just as close as talking.

TRY THIS
Try a quiet call.

TIP 30

Story: Lola and Omar cook together

Lola and Omar cooked the same recipe on video in their separate kitchens, laughed at the mistakes and said it felt like a real date.

TRY THIS
Cook together online.

TIP 31

Story: Beth tries a walk call

Beth took her partner along on a walk using her phone camera, and said sharing the view made the distance feel smaller.

TRY THIS
Try a walk call.

TIP 32

Journal: what makes a video call feel good to me?

Knowing what you like, such as good light or a calm place, helps you set up better calls.

TRY THIS
Write three things.

TIP 33

Journal: what distracts me during calls?

Naming distractions shows what to switch off before you start.

TRY THIS
List two.

TIP 34

Challenge: have one video call each week with no phones, tabs or multitasking

Full attention makes a short call feel rich and special.

TRY THIS
Pick the day.

TIP 35

Challenge: try a shared activity on video, like a puzzle or cooking

Doing something together gives you shared memories.

TRY THIS
Choose one.

TIP 36

Green flag: you both look forward to calls and leave them smiling

Joy after calls shows they are working.

TRY THIS
Notice it.

TIP 37

Red flag: calls always end in arguments or silence

Look at timing, tiredness and topic, and try a different approach.

TRY THIS
Change one thing.

TIP 38

Say this: I am so glad to see your face, tell me about your day

A warm opening that sets the tone.

TRY THIS
Use it.

TIP 39

Fun fact: shared experiences online can boost closeness

Research shows doing things together online raises feelings of connection.

TRY THIS
Share it.

TIP 40

Mini habit: end every call with one thing you appreciate

A warm ending leaves a lasting good feeling.

TRY THIS
Start tonight.

Easy things to say

When you are stuck, pick one of these. They work in many love and relationship moments.

SET

“I set up a cosy corner.”

LOOK

“I look at your face.”

SHARE

“Tell me about your day.”

PLAY

“Let us do something together.”

THANKS

“Thank you for making time.”

CLOSE

“I miss you.”

Your first week

One small action a day. Each day is only a little bigger than the last.

DAY 1
Choose a quiet spot

DAY 2
Check light and sound

DAY 3
Put phones away

DAY 4
Look at the camera

DAY 5
Plan an activity

DAY 6
Share a drink or snack

DAY 7
End warmly

Further reading

• The Long-Distance Relationship Guide (Chris Bell)
• Hold Me Tight (Sue Johnson)
• The 5 Love Languages (Gary Chapman)

The tips above are written in our own words and are general guidance. The books are suggestions for further reading.

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These lessons share general learning and everyday ideas. They are not medical or mental health advice. If you feel very anxious, low or unwell, please talk to a doctor or a qualified professional.